Resolutions

I've started thinking about what I want to do for my resolutions for 2013. Sure, I could go with the old stand-bys of working out x days per week or losing x pounds during the year or paying off x debt. And I think I might do that as some goals.

But more than thinking about that, I want to work on my writing. And I have been thinking about creating a goal related to that. I have two first drafts of novels written, as well as some unfinished writing projects. But I kind of want to do something new as my primary project.

Have you given any thoughts to resolutions? Are you going to make any, or are you against resolutions?

Favorite holiday traditions

One of my favorite traditions this time of year was going out to see Christmas lights with the family on Christmas Eve. There were some houses fairly close to ours that went all out with their lights, and it was a lot of fun to see them. There was even someone who would dress up like Santa and hand out candy canes to people in cars that were driving slowly down the street to enjoy the lights. It was also a tradition in the area to put out luminarias, which were lighted candles set inside paper bags. Seeing those in the neighborhood really was something.

We have tried to create some of our own traditions as a new family. Each year, we go to a local thrift store and look for Christmas sweaters to take a family photo in. Then we buy a picture frame ornament with the year on it to put the picture in. The first year we did this, one of my older sisters told another sister that she was worried about me. We tried to be as cheesy as possible so people would know that we weren't serious, but apparently she thought we were serious and I was turning into my mother or something. Ha ha! This year, we haven't found Christmas sweaters, so we think we may not be able to participate, and I'll be really bummed to have to break this tradition.

Another tradition we're trying to keep is based loosely on something we did as a family when I was younger. As a family, we went around to neighbors and family friends singing Christmas carols and giving some sort of homemade gift my mom baked. I wasn't a fan of the singing each year, but we always got into the spirit of it part of the way through. Still, I decided I'm not really interested in a Von Trapp singing family (especially since there are only 2 of us right now who can sing), but I want to at least do a little something for my neighbors. We haven't done this every year, but this year we dropped off poinsettias and Christmas cards, and all our neighbors were appreciative.

What are some traditions you have or would like to start for the holidays, whether Christmas Eve, Christmas, New Year's Eve, New Year's, or some other day?

NaNoWriMo

I am a writer!!!

I have had a couple little things published and haven't even kept track of them. But I have participated in National Novel Writing Month four different years and have "won" three of those four years.

Writing a 50,000 word novel in 30 days (the goal of NaNoWriMo) is fun and yet challenging. There were more than a few times during that 30 days each year when I thought about giving up. I had to silence my inner critic (who I will call Cruella, because of her ruthlessness) who wanted me to re-write what I'd already written and/or start over and/or edit the crap out of it. I wanted Cruella to shut up for 30 days so I could just get a beginning, middle, and end out on paper. It was tough, but I managed to do it. And now, I have a story written. I'm pretty sure I contradicted myself at least once in the story, but it is written! It is a story that wasn't written in my head (only the basics), let alone on paper (so to speak) before November.

So I have been relaxing the past few days, enjoying library books that I wondered when I'd get a chance to read them. It's a fabulous feeling of success.

The writing process was surely a labor of love, and now I have a newborn baby book to nurture. So I suppose I should get to work on that. But I'd like to finish the books I have checked out from the library first.

They say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery

This morning I was Exhausted with a capital e when Joy decided she was up for the day. So I dragged my butt out of bed and put a show on TV for her (yes, I do that in the morning when I'm still waking up, and I'm not ashamed to admit it). Then I fell asleep on the couch. I don't think I was asleep long, because Joy doesn't let that happen. Besides, my nose was all stuffed up and I think I may have snored a bit and woke myself up as a result. Anyway, Joy came over to me, all smiles, and wanted to cuddle. I lifted her up on the couch with me, pulling the blanket over her as she tried to take over the small square pillow my head was on. She was copying me in every way she could... and then she started fake snoring. What a little stinker! I couldn't help but laugh.

Public Service Announcement- Fires

I am a registered volunteer with the American Red Cross. I signed up back in 2009 when they were concerned about flooding in the area and thought they would have to open up multiple shelters because of it. In fact, we were told it wasn't a matter of whether or not flooding would occur, but when. At our house, we readied a room for visitors. We figured that if someone was displaced and came to us through our church, we would be ready for them. We even went so far as to buy a memory foam futon so they could have a comfy bed. The flooding never came.

I didn't receive any emails requesting volunteers for shelters until I was pregnant and unable to help. After giving birth, I was of course busy with my newborn daughter. She's now a toddler, and I figure that if I need to every once in a while, I can volunteer as long as my husband is available to watch her for at least the majority of the time I will be volunteering.

This month, I have volunteered at 2 different shelters about 2 weeks apart. Both shelters were opened because of apartment fires. And while I was working at the shelter last night, we heard of another apartment fire that might create a need for the shelter to stay open and expand to accommodate more people.

At this time of year, there are many fire resulting from decorations and the like. Please be safe!

My little goofball

She has some adorable hats, but she doesn't really like to wear them. She does like to wear Mom or Dad's baseball cap. She's also been known to walk around in a beanie (sometimes worn correctly, and sometimes completely covering her eyes). When she got her little Halloween basket, she started alternating between putting toys in it and wearing it as a sort of helmet. And then sometimes, there's this:

Christmas season is here!!!

I have found as I get older that I am looking forward to Christmas more. I am sure I looked forward to it as a kid, but I know there were years when I didn't care about it much. As a single adult, I sometimes participated in Christmas Angel events to try to get into the spirit, but I didn't care much about decorating or baking or things like that. I know I wasn't into any of those aspects of Christmas as a kid. I remember not really caring much about Christmas movies and music, and now I enjoy those, even the cheesy Christmas movies. And now I look forward to decorating the house inside and out, baking and giving out cookies, and even wrapping gifts.

Having a child has even made it all more exciting for me. I can understand how kids see commercials and decide they want about 1000 different things for Christmas based on the ads. I do the same thing with items that are on sale when it comes to shopping for her! I haven't gotten her many toys, but I got her books and sing-along videos and winter clothes and have been tempted to buy so much more for her. I mean, have you seen toddler boots? They are crazy cute!!! I pretty much had her Christmas shopping done months ago, but I keep finding things for her and getting them. Now I just need to decide what I will hang on to for her birthday AND STOP BUYING THINGS FOR HER!

How do you feel about the holiday season? Love it, loathe it, or somewhere in between? What are some of your favorite things about it? Least favorite things about it?

Money, money, money

I keep waiting for more money to drop out of the sky. Unfortunately, it hasn't happened yet. So I guess I really need to start looking for work. Hopefully, it won't take forever. We need to do some things around the house (like yesterday) that we have been putting off far too long because we don't have the money for it. And we would like to actually be able to take an occasional vacation (maybe going to see our family) and save money for future purchases. It's just not happening right now. And so the best way to make ends meet is to make longer ends. Ugh.

Waaaaah!

It's not that Joy has never thrown a tantrum before, but she is full on tantruming now. It's out of control. It makes ME want to tantrum!

Photos of Joy

Joy was excited to meet Santa at our church Christmas dinner in early December.

She also enjoyed the Seattle Aquarium right before Christmas.

She had a nice Christmas at Mimi and Papa's house and got wonderful gifts from them and Aunt Kristine.

She's walking all over the place now!

We went to the Kids Quest Museum in Bellevue yesterday, and she LOVED it!

And that's a little bit of what we've been up to lately.

Joy

Hard to believe she's close to a year old already! In some ways, the year has flown by. And in some ways, it feels so much longer. Still, I'm not ready for how grown up she already is, let alone all the growing up that is just around the corner.

She is walking now. She has been since Christmas Eve. Her first step was just a few days before that, but that was when she started going for it. She has been pulling herself up to stand and cruising along furniture for months, so I knew it was just a matter of time. Once she realized she could actually take a step without seriously hurting herself, she was otherwise ready.

She finally got her first tooth. Well, it's still coming in. It first appeared earlier this month. And now her second tooth is also emerging.

She still doesn't really like to eat too much food, so most of her nutrition comes from formula. She's not too keen on switching from bottles to sippy cups, so that's a struggle, and when she does eat food, it's mostly just a few bites.

She's got such a fun little personality, and she is so small compared to many other babies I've seen that are her same age. It's been fun to meet other local moms with kids the same age and see the similarities and differences between them as well as make new friends.

I know this is short, but I'm tired and should get myself to bed. But if you have any tips to get her to be more into sippy cups, I'd love to hear them!

Boogers and Poop

Watching Joy poop makes me laugh. Especially when she's on all fours like right now and just kind stops what she's doing (crawling) and grunts. Also when Joe is home and gets to change the poopy diaper instead of me.

Also, cleaning Joy's nose makes me gag. Her dry snot and boogers aren't as gross to me as the slimy ones, but I still get grossed out either way. And yet, I also kind of silently cheer when I pick her nose and pull out a big booger. It's probably the weirdest combination of emotions I've ever felt.

Oh, how my life has changed in less than 9 months!

Unremarkable

Maybe not all of us have felt this way at some point in time in our life, but I think many of us have. For several days I have found myself feeling this way. I'm not looking for pity. I hate attention I get from people when they feel sorry for me. And I know that I've done things to be proud of. I know I'm a good person inside. I know I have good intentions. I know I have done things that have touched others. But so what? There are so many people out there who have done the same things I have done. There are so many people out there who have done better things than I have. Does it mean I'm going to stop trying to be more, be better, try harder? Absolutely not. One day, I'd like to mean something more. I'd like not to be overlooked. I'd like not to be so easily forgotten. I'd like not to be so easily judged (erroneously, too). I'd like to feel appreciated and liked and accepted for who I am and not expected to be someone or something else. So I work and will continue to do so, even though I'm not sure if this is realistic.

Normalcy

I stopped pumping and breastfeeding. I'm 100% okay with my decision. In fact, I'm quite happy with it right now. My stress levels are much more manageable, and I feel like I can be a better mom for Joy. My hormones already are starting to feel like they're getting back to normal, and my appetite is back to normal. It's so great not feeling like I haven't eaten for at least a day when I wake up in the morning! It's great eating a meal and not being hungry almost immediately after. I feel like I have a lot more time to exercise and clean and play with Joy and sleep. It's fantastic!

So much for perky boobs

If my boobs were high school cheerleaders, they would be kicked off the team. They don't have any team spirit and instead are depressing me!

First, I have supply issues. They refuse to make enough milk to feed my baby. They always have. 'Fine, boobs. You win this round!' I conceded after many tears and ridiculous amounts of desperate measures and unsolicited and unhelpful advice. So life went on. But now it appears as though they've decided to fight me some more, drizzling out barely any milk. The past few days have been brutal. Do I really want to keep up with all this torturous extra work and frustration just to get a handful of ounces of milk for my growing girl? I'm *thisclose* to just throwing in the nursing pads, so to speak.

Which brings another thought to my mind. Why is it that my boobs, even though they've CLEARLY never held much milk, still leak? I can't pump from both sides at once, because pumping requires one hand to hold the pump forcefully to my boob (leaving lovely circle indents after the fact) while the other squeezes away, like trying to get water from a rock. And while I am emptying Tightey, Lucy leaks. So I recently tried starting with Lucy, which doesn't tend to make Tightey leak as much, but also seems to have led to Tightey producing less milk. Ugh! As it is, the constant squeezing has led to my discovering I apparently have arthritis in my hands. Thanks boobs! You are real... boobs! If my boobs were a person, I'd probably murder that person by strangulation with my own bare, arthritic hands.

In other news, Joy is becoming more mobile every day. We relocated our coffee table from the family room to the guest room. I want to get rid of it, actually, but it'll stay there for now, I guess. So now our family room is not only more open, but there's space for her to entertain herself on the floor and, as she just demonstrated her capability, move from the middle of a quilt on the floor all the way to the side of the couch, backwards. Honestly, I'm not quite sure how she arrived at her final destination, as I was pumping & checking email, so my laptop screen was in the way. But then all of a sudden, I felt her ribs touching the side of my foot and looked down to revel in her accomplishments. And cry. I am so not ready for this. Couldn't she continue to sleep for like 18 hours a day or something?

She recently started saying "mamamama" and "babababa" and sometimes even "mama" itself. Joe thinks it makes a good excuse to get out of holding her or something and pass her off to me because "she's calling for YOU." I told him she doesn't know what she's saying, but I do wonder if sometimes she actually does, the way she says it while whimpering or crying and looking at me. She's often staring at me. It's kind of creepy. This "mama" wishes she'd learn to say "dada" soon like a good girl. I'm working on trying to teach that to her, I assure you.

Joy doesn't laugh much. Most of the time she does, it's when she's getting her diaper changed. Yeah, I'm not really sure what to think of that one either. Maybe I'm partly to blame. I started singing to her when changing her diaper when she was a newborn because I didn't want her to scream or hate it when she had it changed. I can say that at least she doesn't hate it, but the removal of a pee-soaked or foul-smelling diaper isn't as funny as I am. Her farts are, but she only rarely chuckles at those. We need to work on that kid's sense of humor (or lack thereof).

How about instead of "mama" you stroke my ego a bit by laughing when I want you to? After all, I and my boobs sacrifice a LOT for you!

Sleepy photos

I remember when Joy was first born, and most of the pictures I took of her were when she was sleeping or fighting it and losing, since she seemed to spend her entire day eating or sleeping. I like to look at the photos and smile or laugh.

This is still one of my favorite pictures I have of her, sleeping on Daddy when she was 2 days old:

Sometimes, Joy simply surrenders to sleep:

Here she is as a baby burrito, swaddled and bibbed:

Nothing prepares her for a nap better than milk:

She enjoys passing out with Daddy (and the cats):

She falls alseep and slides herself into all sorts of weird positions:

She manages to get her bib twisted and looking like a cape:

And she does interesting things with her hands (some I wish I would've captured on camera) while sleeping:

She sleeps like a frog at times too:

And she even hides from the paparazzi in her sleep:

She cracks me up, sleeping or awake! I just wish she'd stay asleep after I move her off of me when she falls asleep that way and that she'd take longer naps during the day. And why is it that she can sleep through various noises yet the teeniest whimper from her wakes me from a dead sleep in the middle of the night when I'm running on fumes of sugar? At least she entertains me to help me get through the day since I'm always sleepy but unable to pass out whenever and wherever I'd like the way she does.

Some of the joys of being a mom

Maybe it's just me, but I find that there are about a billion bits of information floating around in my head at all times. It's hard to keep things straight. It's hard to remember what's-her-face's-name or even finish a sentence because my normal vocabulary now consists primarily of a bunch of words I had no use for before and my audience doesn't have a clue what I'm saying and doesn't care as long as she gets my undivided attention.

I swear I almost went to church last week without actually putting on a skirt. Not that Joe would've purposely let me get out the front door with only nude-colored Spanks and a white half slip with slits in it hugging my ample butt and thighs, looking like a person would look hugging a big tub of Jell-o (is it weird that now I'm craving Jell-o, among every other unhealthy and delicious food item I've ever consumed in my lifetime thanks to writing that?). Still, I felt very proud of myself for noticing the almost-error before I was potentially seen by some unsuspecting poor soul driving or walking past our house at the exact WRONG moment.

And I feel bad for our neighbors. I really do. After all, nothing is sexier than seeing an overweight woman with a flabby baby gut who hasn't showered for at least a day (most likely) saunter past the window with a boob or two hanging out while she scrambles to soothe a crying child before she loses her sanity. Note to self: make sure blinds are closed and invest in blinds or at least curtains where there aren't any. And why might I be in this state of half-dress without being with the baby? Pumping breast milk.

Pumping is not fun. Not only do I feel like an actual cow while hooked up to the machine, but I'm just stuck there next to it until the torture is over. Some women rave about the hands-free bras. Seriously, those would make me feel MORE like a cow, and I don't think they'd get the job done for me. It's not like I have fountains of milk pouring out of me and only need to direct that milk into a container. And then there's the fact that I have to squeeze my one boob that is attached to the pump (I can't do both at the same time for this very reason) so I can get every drop possible of milk out or I feel like a cow failure. So I sit and pump while watching the TV or praying my child doesn't start screaming bloody murder or one-handed typing between unattractive squeezes of boob flesh and feeling like a complete moron.

And that's another thing. The whole TMI concept apparently doesn't exist for me anymore. I guess after being spit up on and race pooping to get back to a fussy baby and flashing neighbors and walking around half dressed because I can't justify the time it would take to find a shirt and pants that are actually clean and put them on while the baby's screams indicate she needs me NOW, I just don't care anymore. I gag when I have to yank the snot out of my daughter's nose or stick my finger in her ear to get a healthy amount of ear wax out or change a diaper full of oddly covered mounds of baby poop. But I still do it. So I figure if I have to suffer through those things, someone can read about how I have to do them and think, "Eww, TMI! TMI, lady!" Not that anyone mistakes me for a lady these days, but still.

I also have to plan outings around when I will need to pump or feed the baby or change her diaper or when she might nap or go to bed for the night. And if I don't and I'm not prepared to deal with the consequences, HELLO leaky boobs and the ever-stylish accompanying wet nipple look or screaming, demanding, headache-inducing child or yellowish-brown crap-covered baby clothes in the most inconvenient time and place EVER or panic attack about how the heck I'm going to deal with my oversight.

So my lack of posts these days aren't because I have nothing to write about. I know that no one really wants to READ about what I have to write about (but I did take a picture of a poopy diaper that literally looked like someone had squeezed a jar of mustard into it and sent it to Joe because I just HAD to share that with SOMEONE, even if he couldn't scratch & sniff the picture). And one-handed typing takes AGES and drives me crazy. So instead I post an occasional picture of my baby. I realize not everyone recognizes her as The Cutest Thing Alive and The Center of The Universe, but that's how my life has changed. And that's my biggest Joy.

How could I not love this adorable little face?

Entertainment

I find all sorts of ways to entertain myself while at home with the baby. Many of these ways would not be approved by the older version of Joy. Good thing she doesn't have a say!

But seriously, these were the smallest glasses we could find (there was one other pair with much smaller lenses, but they weren't as cute)... and she needs some sunglasses, so this is what we bought! Just call her our little Elvis or Elton John impersonator or our little Diva. Okay, please don't call her the last one. Just thinking of that made me throw up a little in my mouth.

Before I was a mother...

I didn't realize what a luxury taking a hot shower and shaving my legs could be!


I didn't value getting outside for a minute as much, even if it is only to get the mail.

I didn't long for trips alone to the grocery store as a sort of mini-vacation.

I didn't think I would relish my alone time while pumping in the wee hours of the morning.

I didn't realize I could carry on conversations with someone who couldn't talk back and enjoy myself so much.

I didn't think I would be so grateful to get sleep at stretches of 6 hours at a time.

I didn't know how funny baby farts are.

I didn't understand how I could love someone else so unconditionally.
I didn't truly understand or appreciate my own mother.