Free at last, free at last...

I got fired yesterday. It's not like I didn't see it coming. But I just couldn't bring myself to go back to work. The thought of potentially having to clench my butt cheeks closed and hold that pose until finishing a conversation, just to high-tail it to the bathroom for a drive-by spraying held little appeal to me when I woke up yesterday. So call me crazy, but I called in sick.

So around 2 pm, my supervisor called me and announced that so-and-so from HR was on the line with him. That's when any doubt I might've had about the nature of the call was gone. He said that because I didn't return to work yesterday per our previously agreed upon terms (ha! but more on that later), they were going to have to let me go. It was a very short call.

And I felt relieved. I'll explain that more in a little bit, but first some background.

I've been sick with digestive problems (after having 2 colds in a row) for weeks. They're slowly improving. Very slowly. I started taking acidophilus capsules and I think they might be helping, but I don't know if it's that or just my body fighting whatever ails it. I've been in contact with my supervisor to let him know what's wrong. I didn't feel bad about missing work when he reassured me that there are some things that you just can't work while suffering from in my job title. I mean, my job was to speak to person after person after person on the phone, 30 minutes give or take at a time, for 8 hours. Maybe I'd get little breaks in between, but with the new cigarette tax laws going into effect April 1st, the company has been busier than ever.

I haven't been vomiting for a while, and the nausea I had seems to have gone away as well. No, I'm not pregnant. I just went to the doctor's office yesterday for a final test while I had insurance to pay for it, and they confirmed that. Anyway, I received a call on Tuesday from my supervisor. He said I had two options: resign or come back on April 2nd. Well, neither of those options really sat well with me. I told him I spent every day hoping I would get through the day well enough to return to work the following day, but I wasn't lucky enough to feel secure that I could get through the work day without incident. I told him I wanted to return the next day (April 1st) but didn't know if I would be able to. Well, the call ended up with him saying he'd see me on the 2nd, and me wondering if he would.

Obviously, he didn't.

But yesterday, as I was perusing through my Facebook profile, I realized just how many times I'd been sick in the past several months. I realized how stressed I had really become because of my job. And I realized just how much I'd hated it. It hadn't been happening since January, like I'd previously thought. I had been having issues way before then.

It's not like the job is especially difficult. However, you do have to find out what it is that a supervisor wants you to say and do in each call, which can often be quite subjective, even though they say it's not. And then you have to form your calls around what you think someone wants you to say as the call continues versus what you really want to say or think might really help someone quit smoking. For me, being a trained therapist who knows there are many more counseling techniques than just motivational interviewing and cognitive behavioral therapy techniques, to say I could only draw from these kinds of things was frustrating to say the least.

I was out of my element in that job. I was overqualified. I was unmotivated and unchallenged (honestly), which created a lot of frustration. I found myself time and time again suffering from deja vu. And I often had to stop myself and think: 'Did I already go over this with this person, or was that the last person I was talking to?' That's how repetitive my day was.

So I'm glad to be gone. I went into my home office and pulled out all things associated with my job. I put several inches worth of paper into our recycling bin yesterday, and I shredded several more pieces of paper with personal information on it from the job. I haven't thrown away everything just yet, either. For the time being, I kept my medical insurance information and HR information. I'm not sure why, but I think I might look over it, and maybe I'll know why I saved it or I can get rid of it then.

The funny thing about all this is how free and calm and unstressed I felt after getting fired yesterday. My mind cleared up and I knew what to do next, things I hadn't thought about before. I went to my doctor's office to order refills on my prescriptions while I still had insurance. I cancelled the phone line I'd had to dedicate to work. I sent out some emails and made some calls. And today, I feel great. No upset stomach. No acid reflux. No stomach cramps. No diarrhea. I am free.