Photos of Joy

Joy was excited to meet Santa at our church Christmas dinner in early December.

She also enjoyed the Seattle Aquarium right before Christmas.

She had a nice Christmas at Mimi and Papa's house and got wonderful gifts from them and Aunt Kristine.

She's walking all over the place now!

We went to the Kids Quest Museum in Bellevue yesterday, and she LOVED it!

And that's a little bit of what we've been up to lately.

Joy

Hard to believe she's close to a year old already! In some ways, the year has flown by. And in some ways, it feels so much longer. Still, I'm not ready for how grown up she already is, let alone all the growing up that is just around the corner.

She is walking now. She has been since Christmas Eve. Her first step was just a few days before that, but that was when she started going for it. She has been pulling herself up to stand and cruising along furniture for months, so I knew it was just a matter of time. Once she realized she could actually take a step without seriously hurting herself, she was otherwise ready.

She finally got her first tooth. Well, it's still coming in. It first appeared earlier this month. And now her second tooth is also emerging.

She still doesn't really like to eat too much food, so most of her nutrition comes from formula. She's not too keen on switching from bottles to sippy cups, so that's a struggle, and when she does eat food, it's mostly just a few bites.

She's got such a fun little personality, and she is so small compared to many other babies I've seen that are her same age. It's been fun to meet other local moms with kids the same age and see the similarities and differences between them as well as make new friends.

I know this is short, but I'm tired and should get myself to bed. But if you have any tips to get her to be more into sippy cups, I'd love to hear them!

Boogers and Poop

Watching Joy poop makes me laugh. Especially when she's on all fours like right now and just kind stops what she's doing (crawling) and grunts. Also when Joe is home and gets to change the poopy diaper instead of me.

Also, cleaning Joy's nose makes me gag. Her dry snot and boogers aren't as gross to me as the slimy ones, but I still get grossed out either way. And yet, I also kind of silently cheer when I pick her nose and pull out a big booger. It's probably the weirdest combination of emotions I've ever felt.

Oh, how my life has changed in less than 9 months!

Unremarkable

Maybe not all of us have felt this way at some point in time in our life, but I think many of us have. For several days I have found myself feeling this way. I'm not looking for pity. I hate attention I get from people when they feel sorry for me. And I know that I've done things to be proud of. I know I'm a good person inside. I know I have good intentions. I know I have done things that have touched others. But so what? There are so many people out there who have done the same things I have done. There are so many people out there who have done better things than I have. Does it mean I'm going to stop trying to be more, be better, try harder? Absolutely not. One day, I'd like to mean something more. I'd like not to be overlooked. I'd like not to be so easily forgotten. I'd like not to be so easily judged (erroneously, too). I'd like to feel appreciated and liked and accepted for who I am and not expected to be someone or something else. So I work and will continue to do so, even though I'm not sure if this is realistic.

Normalcy

I stopped pumping and breastfeeding. I'm 100% okay with my decision. In fact, I'm quite happy with it right now. My stress levels are much more manageable, and I feel like I can be a better mom for Joy. My hormones already are starting to feel like they're getting back to normal, and my appetite is back to normal. It's so great not feeling like I haven't eaten for at least a day when I wake up in the morning! It's great eating a meal and not being hungry almost immediately after. I feel like I have a lot more time to exercise and clean and play with Joy and sleep. It's fantastic!

So much for perky boobs

If my boobs were high school cheerleaders, they would be kicked off the team. They don't have any team spirit and instead are depressing me!

First, I have supply issues. They refuse to make enough milk to feed my baby. They always have. 'Fine, boobs. You win this round!' I conceded after many tears and ridiculous amounts of desperate measures and unsolicited and unhelpful advice. So life went on. But now it appears as though they've decided to fight me some more, drizzling out barely any milk. The past few days have been brutal. Do I really want to keep up with all this torturous extra work and frustration just to get a handful of ounces of milk for my growing girl? I'm *thisclose* to just throwing in the nursing pads, so to speak.

Which brings another thought to my mind. Why is it that my boobs, even though they've CLEARLY never held much milk, still leak? I can't pump from both sides at once, because pumping requires one hand to hold the pump forcefully to my boob (leaving lovely circle indents after the fact) while the other squeezes away, like trying to get water from a rock. And while I am emptying Tightey, Lucy leaks. So I recently tried starting with Lucy, which doesn't tend to make Tightey leak as much, but also seems to have led to Tightey producing less milk. Ugh! As it is, the constant squeezing has led to my discovering I apparently have arthritis in my hands. Thanks boobs! You are real... boobs! If my boobs were a person, I'd probably murder that person by strangulation with my own bare, arthritic hands.

In other news, Joy is becoming more mobile every day. We relocated our coffee table from the family room to the guest room. I want to get rid of it, actually, but it'll stay there for now, I guess. So now our family room is not only more open, but there's space for her to entertain herself on the floor and, as she just demonstrated her capability, move from the middle of a quilt on the floor all the way to the side of the couch, backwards. Honestly, I'm not quite sure how she arrived at her final destination, as I was pumping & checking email, so my laptop screen was in the way. But then all of a sudden, I felt her ribs touching the side of my foot and looked down to revel in her accomplishments. And cry. I am so not ready for this. Couldn't she continue to sleep for like 18 hours a day or something?

She recently started saying "mamamama" and "babababa" and sometimes even "mama" itself. Joe thinks it makes a good excuse to get out of holding her or something and pass her off to me because "she's calling for YOU." I told him she doesn't know what she's saying, but I do wonder if sometimes she actually does, the way she says it while whimpering or crying and looking at me. She's often staring at me. It's kind of creepy. This "mama" wishes she'd learn to say "dada" soon like a good girl. I'm working on trying to teach that to her, I assure you.

Joy doesn't laugh much. Most of the time she does, it's when she's getting her diaper changed. Yeah, I'm not really sure what to think of that one either. Maybe I'm partly to blame. I started singing to her when changing her diaper when she was a newborn because I didn't want her to scream or hate it when she had it changed. I can say that at least she doesn't hate it, but the removal of a pee-soaked or foul-smelling diaper isn't as funny as I am. Her farts are, but she only rarely chuckles at those. We need to work on that kid's sense of humor (or lack thereof).

How about instead of "mama" you stroke my ego a bit by laughing when I want you to? After all, I and my boobs sacrifice a LOT for you!

Sleepy photos

I remember when Joy was first born, and most of the pictures I took of her were when she was sleeping or fighting it and losing, since she seemed to spend her entire day eating or sleeping. I like to look at the photos and smile or laugh.

This is still one of my favorite pictures I have of her, sleeping on Daddy when she was 2 days old:

Sometimes, Joy simply surrenders to sleep:

Here she is as a baby burrito, swaddled and bibbed:

Nothing prepares her for a nap better than milk:

She enjoys passing out with Daddy (and the cats):

She falls alseep and slides herself into all sorts of weird positions:

She manages to get her bib twisted and looking like a cape:

And she does interesting things with her hands (some I wish I would've captured on camera) while sleeping:

She sleeps like a frog at times too:

And she even hides from the paparazzi in her sleep:

She cracks me up, sleeping or awake! I just wish she'd stay asleep after I move her off of me when she falls asleep that way and that she'd take longer naps during the day. And why is it that she can sleep through various noises yet the teeniest whimper from her wakes me from a dead sleep in the middle of the night when I'm running on fumes of sugar? At least she entertains me to help me get through the day since I'm always sleepy but unable to pass out whenever and wherever I'd like the way she does.