Monday, March 29, 2010
I was at WalMart today with a legally blind woman I gave a ride to so she could "buy canned goods." She left spending over $200, and less than a fourth of that was on canned goods. I helped her haul her booty up to her apartment and reluctantly gave her my phone number when she asked for it. I have no idea why I did that. I shouldn't have and definitely didn't need to. I spent over 3 hours with her when her request was for something that shouldn't have taken more than 20-30 minutes.
So people call and ask if I can help with this or that. I only say no if I have prior obligations or plans with someone else. If it only effects me and requires some small or great sacrifice on my part, I oblige them. And, like I'm doing right now, I end up fuming and cursing myself for saying yes. I go into the "service" activity with a terrible attitude and feeling more negative toward the person for asking me when I "know" he or she could have called someone else. In fact, sometimes I encourage people to do just that but end up feeling so guilty I call back and say, "Okay. I can do it," when I mentally, physically, and/or emotionally just shouldn't do it.
What is wrong with me?
One of my friends wrote something on Facebook that got me to venting (which I desperately need to do). She responded that I need to just say no. I told her that sometimes when I actually do say no, I feel as though the person I'm saying no to is trying to give me a guilt trip, so I feel the need to justify my no with all the reasons why I mean it. She told me not to give excuses and just say no.
So, I'm challenging myself. I have reasons, but April is an especially good month for me to say no, and it's just around the corner. For the whole month of April, I'm going to say no to those extra "little" requests from people. I'm not going to give reasons or excuses. I'm just going to say no. Even saying I'm going to do this petrifies me, so that just shows me how much I need to do it!
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Sunday, March 21, 2010
I know I have some issues. This isn't a new realization on my part. But back when I was in grad school, I was quite active on the Love and Relationship chat boards on MySpace. I would leave for work around 5:30 in the morning and get home after 8:00 at night during my internship year. I lived alone. I was just a face in a sea of single adults at church. I didn't have any close friends outside of work, and the friends I was closest to at work ended up moving on to different positions anyway. Joe and I eventually reconnected during that year (I'd decided I was going to move to Washington after school ended and told him that), but I didn't have much of a social life. Sure, I'd try to squeeze in some time with friends on Saturdays when I wasn't busy with my internship and errands and wanting to relax, but I felt like I needed more social interaction than that. So MySpace kind of filled in the gaps, even if the friends I made on there are people I may very well never meet face to face. But I realized eventually that I was spending way too much time in my online reality and still missing out on human interaction. I eventually quit.
Then I realized I had done this before. Joe and I met on a networking site, after all. But when I left that site, most of the people I had met forgot about me. Some even hated me (because I attempted long distance relationships that didn't work out and flirted shamelessly and acted self-absorbed and childish) and slandered me.
Joe told me about a free online gaming site. A lot of the games appealed to me at first, but I found myself enjoying chatting with people more and spending a lot of time on there. Yet I want to interact more with people closer to my age (a lot of my "friends" on the site were several years younger than me, and some were in their early teens) and face-to-face. I closed out that account. SparkPeople has message boards, but I don't think I will have to worry too much about getting hooked on those and spending all day posting in there. At least, I hope I don't get hooked on those.
I have enjoyed the website so far. I've lost 7 pounds in 2 weeks. I am exercising more and eating less junk food (and smaller portions sometimes too). I am a visual learner, so having the numbers and graphs right in my face on there helps tremendously. Plus, I'm very competitive, and so I find myself pushing myself to get as many points as I can each day (you get little "trophies" for your profile with different levels of points). I'm really enjoying making this lifestyle change that for me is sustainable. Sometimes people have thrown me ideas that don't appeal at all, because I know it's not something I would stick with. But this doesn't seem so hard. And it's so organized! I LOVE being organized! I LOVE having everything in one place... support, an online food journal, a place to track measurements and workouts, and people like me! I belong to an infertility group where I can vent about how people around me are getting pregnant and having kids and somehow surrounding me (I swear I saw no less than 5 pregnant people in a recent trip to Target), reminding me of how inadequate, heartbroken, etc I feel.
So, I've been a little bit wrapped up in that the past few weeks. But I think that's okay. I'm thinking my obsessiveness about it will slowly die down a little bit and I remember that life isn't all about how much I weigh or how much I want to weigh.
For something else: Joe and I are celebrating our anniversary this week. We're going to be taking a mini vacation, for which I am very excited (especially since we're doing it on the cheap). For our anniversary gift, we picked up a blu-ray player yesterday. We love it so far. I'd purchased Discovery Channel's Planet Earth on blu-ray a while back because it was an AWESOME deal (and I've heard such great things about it), so we checked out the quality of that on our player for a few minutes yesterday after Joe set it up. He's been asking if we can watch more of that ever since. And we headed back to Best Buy (where he bought the player) and picked up a couple more blu-ray discs, which I know he wants to watch as soon as possible.
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Seniors in our communities urgently need your help! Senior Services Transportation Program operates shuttles in Des Moines-Normandy Park, Burien-Highline and Shoreline-Lake Forest Park. The Senior Shuttles take seniors to buy groceries, get to medical appointments and run other local errands. Because of a shortage in volunteers to drive the shuttle, routes are being canceled and many seniors are finding it harder than ever to get around. Volunteer to drive the Senior Shuttles and you’ll meet new people while helping seniors remain independent and in their own homes. Choose your weekly shifts and receive free training in defensive driving and passenger assistance. You do not need a special driver’s license and do no lifting or bearing of weight. Interested? Call Melissa at (206) 748-7588, email email@example.com, or visit www.seniorservices.org for more information.