"No change," the nurse informed me after jabbing at my girly parts with the ultrasound wand. Those two words weren't near as crushing as they were on Wednesday when I heard them at the second ultrasound of the week. Why? Because I figured if I hadn't ovulated or even shown any signs of pending ovulation by Wednesday (which was day 14 of my cycle), chances were that there would be nothing to see today either.
And I decided to look at what this means in a more positive light (I'm trying VERY hard here, okay?) instead of feeling down.
1. The later in the year I have a baby, the greater the tax benefit. I have heard the best time to have a baby is around the end of the year, because you get the same tax deduction whether you give birth on January 1st or December 31st.
2. I have more time to focus on jamming through my medical transcription program without having to worry about morning sickness or the like getting in the way.
3. I have more time to work on getting healthier before getting pregnant. Every pound I lose now will make it easier when I do get pregnant. This is the most important benefit to me.
4. I have more time to find a job, which is SUPER stressful. I understand being pregnant is stressful for your body. Really, anything that is stressful can take its toll on your body. So if I find a job and don't have to worry about that stress piled on top of the physical stress of carrying a baby, I'll be better off.
5. If I get a job, I may also get some better benefits than I have right now. I'm on my husband's health insurance (glad I have SOMETHING!), and it's not very good. I know he said it's changing sometime in the near future (hopefully to something better!), but maybe I could even get something like maternity leave with a job of my own!
6. I have a little longer to enjoy my husband and plan vacations without having to worry about a baby taking up our time and energy and making it difficult (or possibly impossible) to go on vacations.
7. I have more family members and friends realizing what a struggle this has been for us, so they can celebrate with us when we are able to finally conceive (or, if we find out we can't, when we adopt).
8. I know this one will sound weird, but there are some people I know (a lot more than I realized not too long ago) who I would like to have some success either before or (basically) at the same time we do. I know how easy it is to feel left out when it seems like everyone around you is expecting or done having kids, and I don't want people I care about to hurt any more. I want to be able to share their happiness with them and not feel guilty if I get pregnant and they're still not at that point in their lives. I know me, and I know I'd feel very bad sharing my excitement with them. I'd feel sorry for them, the way I sometimes feel for myself right now.
Yeah, I know it's kind of a stretch, seeing as it's just one month's ovulation I'm talking about here. And that's the point. It's not the end of the world. It's just one month that I'm not ovulating. And I'll be seeing the doctor on Tuesday so he can help figure out what we need to do to correct that. Then we'll be working on what we need to do to get me pregnant when I do ovulate (assuming that's possible, which I think it is because I have had a miscarriage before). I'm really trying to "let go and let God."