Saturday, May 22, 2010

Dealing with Infertility

I know there are people out there who think I am just being too over-sensitive about my fertility challenges. I have been told several times to just "relax" and then I'll get pregnant, or other such unhelpful and hurtful things. Is it easy to forget about a broken foot and just keep walking on it, thinking that if you don't focus on it, it'll go away? I know this is a struggle I must work through, and I am working through it, with the help of my doctor, my husband, and my Savior.

So when I read this article today, I was reminded that while I am vocal about my struggle, there are people out there who are struggling silently. There are probably people I know who are struggling with the same sorts of issues. I know I wouldn't be able to do much to help them through their challenges except to say that I'm going through it right now myself. I know people who have overcome fertility issues, but I know it is through VARIOUS different methods based on differing circumstances and needs and abilities that those issues are overcome.

I'm still in the stage where I don't know if I can have a child. The miscarriage I had a year ago gives me some hope, but I'm still looking for answers. All I want from others is non-judgment and maybe a little sympathy or understanding. It is SO hard for me to be around a group of my mom-friends to hear them go on and on about their children. It isn't like I don't expect friends with kids to talk about their kids or bring their kids around me. But those conversations don't include me. And they act as a reminder that I'm not a mom yet. So when it's complaints about kids misbehaving all the time as though a woman wishes she didn't have kids, it is especially tough for me to hear.

5 comments:

BeatlesDiva said...

Deb,
My heart does go out to you. Keep on trying and don't give up. Do what you doctors say to do. As long as you have that hope of having a child, it's just a matter of time (with the right help that is).

I know how you feel. I've been going to the doctor for many girly issues for many years now and when I try to talk to people about it, they just tell me to get it over with and have a hysterictmy. People do not know what kind of hurtful words those are! Just like you I have the desire to be a mommy one day and just to give up isn't in our blood!

I wish you the best of luck with this situation and I pray that your dreams of being a mommy will soon come to be.

Jahn said...

People can be incredibly insensitive. It's just unbelievable what some people can say.

Many people suffer with "invisible" maladies that go completely unnoticed.

I firmly believe that in the Hereafter, we'll know of all these trials and burdens we each had to deal with here. And I think we'll all be dismayed at how we reacted to it.

You're young yet. There's still some hope. I hope it works out for you.

conner posse said...

I'm sad you have to go through this emotional roller coaster. You are going to be one amazing mommy. A friend of mine (who works full time and has no children yet) recently gave a beautiful talk on how she IS a mother. It is a divine role given to us, whether we experience it in this life or not. I have a few very close friends who have been on this same journey, and although I have children, have experienced "issues" that worried me and made me sad. So I feel for you and wish you the best. Have you joined any communities? I joined Tokobobo.com and not only gained friends there, but a wealth og knowledge that ended up in me becoming pregnant. You never know what the future holds! *hugs*

Becky..AMHW said...

People seriously tell you to "just relax"?

Tell them to "just turn around" and then give them a kick in the seat of their pants. Won't help with conception...will make you feel better. Then talk about it.

Don't think I don't come around on purpose (in light of your facebook post). Real life has been kicking my butt lately but that part of real life ends in August. I read and sometimes don't have enough brain cells to comment!

Debra said...

Thanks, everyone! I have met some people who are going through the same or similar issues through the website I'm using to lose weight. It's nice to realize I'm not alone even when it's tough.

Becky, I get the "just relax" ALL the time. In fact, I just got it again yesterday. Sometimes I don't know how to respond to the comments people say, because it just floors me that people would actually say some things they do. It's hard for me to bite my tongue and be the bigger person when people just seem so inconsiderate. My response to the latest person (she tried to bring God into the "just relax" suggestion and isn't even someone I've ever talked to before) was that I think God has led me to where I am and getting the support from the doctors I'm getting.