Monday, May 11, 2009

I'm so emo right now

Joe and I were watching something the other night where a girl made the comment that she was so emo at that moment, and I told Joe that I say that about myself sometimes.

Yesterday was one of those days. I am so grateful for my mother and the example she has played in my life. Being over a day's drive away from her, I don't get to see her very much at all. And that saddens me. There was a period of time after college where I would go to my parents' house every Sunday after church and enjoy a wonderful dinner. This was great for me because I would otherwise be left to my own devices, and that could've gotten very ugly very quickly.

But then life happened and those weekly dinners stopped happening. They still happened on occasion, and birthdays or other celebrations were often the cause of the get-togethers with whatever family could attend.

Now I don't have the luxury of just driving to my parents' when I miss them. And I don't get to see any of my siblings more than maybe once or twice a year (some less than that). That's really hard on me. Really hard.

So yesterday, I was thinking about my mom and my grandma and all my siblings who are mothers and all my friends who are mothers. And I was so emo. I felt a heart-breaking longing in my heart to be able to be called a mother. But I have to remember that it's not my time table I'm working under, but God's. Often, when I want something, I want it NOW, and this has been something I've been thinking about and wanting for quite some time.

I am so grateful I have such wonderful examples of mothers all around me, because it helps me not miss my mother quite as much when I can see the same kind of love from others toward their children.


Jahn said...

Your time will come. Hang in there.

Debra said...

Thanks. I have to keep telling myself that too. :)