Thursday, March 26, 2009

Medical update and miscellaneous

Yesterday was an unusual and event-filled day. It started out with me calling in to work, as I have been doing basically this whole month because my digestive tract just isn't cooperating and/or getting any better. I had a couple unexpected but welcome guests from church, one being my friend Stacy. Stacy volunteered to run some errands with me and even treat me to lunch.

We ate some delicious soup and sandwiches at Panera, which I've wanted to check out since moving here. And we each spent way more money at the grocery store than either of us was planning. I picked up some acidophilus capsules, which was recommended to me by my doctor.

Then I talked to my supervisor to give him an update. I wanted to let him and the company know that I'm not just flaking out on them but really am sick. The problem is that I don't feel sick enough that I shouldn't work at all. I just feel too sick to do my specific job. It would be quite inappropriate for me to put someone on hold to go to the bathroom 2-4 times during my shift. And since I spend all day at work on the phone, that's a problem. I wanted to double-check with him about putting people on hold, because a part of me was hoping he'd say it would be okay for me to do that if needed. But it's not. So I'm still off work for the time being.

I told him that I'm typically feeling okay around noon until evening. I asked if I might be able to pick up some hours during that time. He said he would email his supervisor today and get back to me on that. So hopefully I'll hear something from him soon. However, when I got home from running errands, I wasn't feeling okay during that time frame. Maybe it was wishful thinking, but I do need to let him know that maybe that's not the best idea (assuming the company I work for is okay with me working during that time anyway, that is).

I got my referral letter to a GI specialist yesterday, so I called to set up an appointment. After getting a busy signal twice and then being put on hold for several minutes, I was told the first available appointment is in May. So I scheduled it, but I'm betting (hoping) that I'll feel better by then and may very well just cancel the appointment. Looks like it's up to my body and the acidophilus to get me back on track. And maybe I won't ever know what's wrong.

In other news, Joe had a friend who would often make snide remarks to emails Joe would send him. He'd tell Joe that the jokes weren't funny and would be a douche about the way he said it too. And he'd send his thoughts to everyone Joe sent the email to, which often included me or was just me. Now, Joe is much better at controlling his temper than I am. He would just ignore these snarky comments. I would read them and then delete them in disgust. But on Tuesday, this person sent an email that really bothered me. I had difficulty sleeping Tuesday night as I thought about all the different ways I could and wanted to respond. I kept thinking, "I doubt Joe will say anything, but I know this bothers him. It hurts. And it hurts me to see someone treat him this way." I had talked with Joe about the comments his friend had made, and so I knew that I wasn't the only one who had taken things that way.

So I decided to email that friend yesterday. I requested that if he planned on continuing to talk to Joe in that unnecessary and rude way to please leave me out of the email. He responded with a rude, condescending comment to me. I responded as nicely as I felt I could be while being firm in my intentions. I was met with a criticism about my character, and so I called him out on his passive-aggressive, condescending, immature, belittling behavior and said I was done with the conversation.

Well, he didn't want it to be over, so he shot back another comment that equated to I-know-you-are-but-what-am-I and said in so many words that I should talk to Joe before giving what I interpret to be Joe's opinion. His defense was that he has always treated Joe like that. First of all, I didn't write to him about anyone's perception other than my own. But secondly, I DID talk to Joe before I emailed him. So I again reiterated what my request was and stated it was based on my observation of his tone.

I had let Joe know about the interaction by that time by forwarding him the email chain. His friend decided to bring Joe into this chain after my last response, and there was some back and forth between the two of them while the women from church were over that basically led to Joe's friend ending their friendship after saying Joe hadn't been a friend to him for years.

I feel so bad that Joe had to go through this. It reminded me of when my relationship with my once-best-friend ended. Even though the friendship had run it's course and neither of us were getting out of the relationship what we thought we should, it was hard. So I am sure that Joe is having a tough time with this. He talked with a co-worker about it yesterday to get an outsider's perspective, and his coworker was very upset about the exchange, saying his friend was being rude to both Joe and to me. So Joe and I feel confident that we were honest and as objective as we could be about things.

I used to counsel people who were attending an online school. One of the things the company required us to discuss with new students was to be careful of their tone in emails/posts. You may not mean something, but sometimes because the way you say it, your message comes across differently than you'd intended. I was glad to hear that Joe's friend did not mean offense with his response (as he said he didn't), and I told him that. The lesson I learned through all this is not to hold something in if it bothers you. Either confront it or let it go. Otherwise, like a gaping wound, the infection will fester and cause far greater damage than it would have, had it been dealt with in the first place.


Daisy Paige said...

Are you allowed to end family relationships? Josh's brother is terribly rude to him and Josh just ignores it, but it sure lights a fire under me. I would write him entirely if I felt I could, but I'm not sure I can.

Debra said...

I know some people who have ended family relationships, but I recommend doing whatever you can to salvage it.

Mrs.Flabby and Unfabulous said...

I have always felt that emails are a tricky medium of communication. You never know how someone will take your email and often what you meant and what is understood are different.

That being said, I have never had a problem with letting someone know they were inappropriate or out of line. I am glad that you stood up for Joe, I have had to do that for Scott because,like Joe, he is very passive sometimes and allows people to treat him in ways that hurt him.

I don't ever thing it's wrong to stand up for yourself or loved ones, what matters is HOW you do it. You did great Deb and Joe deserves to have someone in his corner like you. And vice versa.

love you guys.