Thursday, April 30, 2009

I probably shouldn't be writing this...

But I am feeling heartbroken. Every time I play with kids or hear about someone having a baby or being pregnant, I am filled with the heartfelt desire to join the ranks of motherhood. And even though I'm TTC right now, there is an emotional toll on my body and spirit as I have negative pregnancy test after negative pregnancy test. I worry I won't ever be able to experience being pregnant. Even if that is the case, I WILL be a mother. No matter how long or what it takes, I know I will have an addition (or more) to my family. Still, it is hard. Almost every day, I feel left out. I am praying for strength and guidance.

And my heart breaks when I hear stories or witness a child being mistreated. Yesterday, what I witnessed in line for 31 cent ice cream at Baskin Robbins wasn't criminal but still heart-wrenching. Children are precious! For those of you who are fortunate enough to be parents, cherish your children!

6 comments:

erin said...

I think you're fabulous, Debra. You're definitely not alone in this experience. I have many friends who have experienced the same feelings.

You can complain at me ANY day.

Debra said...

Thanks, Erin. :)

The 'K' Family said...

I KNOW what you are having to go through and it's the worst feeling ever. Just relax, and know that stress isn't going to help you at all. There is a website called mycycle.com. I SWEAR by it. It tracks your ovulation and sends you an email reminder when the time comes to do "it." I have been pregnant 3 times. My last 2 pregnancies were made possible by the website, and a few other things.....

Debra said...

I actually use that website already, but I don't have a regular pattern that helps me know when I'm fertile. :(

Elizabeth Larson said...

Debra- My heart goes out to you. I did not know you guys had been trying with no luck. I will tell you (I am sure you have probably already heard this), but the best advice given to me by my cousin when we had tried about 9 months to get pregnant with our second was to go on vacation, stop counting the days of when I ovulate, just relax and let it happen. I know that is so hard to do. So we stopped trying, just had fun and sure enough, right away I was pregnant. I know that doesnt work for everyone, but I just thought I would share that in case it might help you. Good luck and we'll be praying for you!! :) It will happen soon. It better, or I'll just have to share one of mine with you for a while- trust me, there are many days I am more than willing to get them out for a little while :):):):)

conner posse said...

It'll happen for you. For now, enjoy this time because once the kiddos arrive, that's IT! :o) A friend of mine is finally pregnant after seven years of trying...and it's TWINS!! Another friend tried for a few years and ended up with triplets...so you never know! I had issues with TTC for a while and found a great resource (and awesome friends) at tokobobo.com. It's a silly name, sure...but I found great info and support there. Elizabeth is right...sometimes not trying is the way to go. Best of luck and enjoy "BDing!"