Doing

Helping other people always helps me feel good. While my favorite spot on the couch gets sad when I'm not sitting there at least 6 hours a day, I think it's nice to be in more than one area in the house and to actually get out of the house.

My volunteering is going well. I have been basically taking 3 seniors a week (one a day for 3 days) to doctor's appointments, sitting in a waiting room or in my car while they see the doctor, and then driving them home. It's not rocket science. But it does get me out of the house and is a way to help out people who can't drive. I've met some interesting people and have even driven a couple women who were in wheelchairs. I've got a handicapped sign I can hang from my rearview mirror when I need to, but I've only used it twice so far (with the women in wheelchairs). Next week, I will be driving my first male client. I'm getting reimbursed for miles driven, so I figure I should put the money I get from them into a new car/car repair/gas expense fund. I'm so exciting, I know.

I picked up the ceramic pieces we painted for Valentine's Day. Joe's wizard bank turned out nicely. Mine was quite disappointing: the red didn't show up very well at all. I'm glad I went over and over the heart on the front.

We got the futon for our guest room (YAY!) so it is *almost* officially done and ready for guests. We need to get some pictures or something up on the walls, clean out the dresser and closet, and install a ceiling fan. But it's usable! Come visit us!!!! We rock!

Today I spent about 3 hours down at the church building helping get it set up for the adult activity (dinner) tonight. I know I could just show up and eat and leave, but helping set up (and I volunteered to help with the dishes/clean up as well) will help me appreciate it more. So much work has gone into getting it ready!

I looked up some more specifics related to additional classes that will help me with my career, and I have some options. 1) I could use my master's degree and take some supplementary classes (and complete a 400 hour internship) to help me become a school counselor. 2) I could use my master's degree and take some supplementary classes to help me register as an associate therapist. I'd still have to work under a licensed marriage and family therapist to be able to be licensed as such myself, or I could look into (possibly) taking more classes and then working under any kind of therapist and becoming a generic therapist. 3) I could take a medical transcription program online and possibly even work from home part (or most) of the time. 4) I could take additional classes and complete an internship to become a teacher.

I know I have other options, but these are the same kinds of options that have been rolling around in my head for the past couple years or more. When I started looking into costs for the different options, I realized that #3 would be the most cost-effective. I think #1 would appeal to me more, but I don't know how hard it would be to get a job as a school counselor after all of that extra work, and I don't know if I'd be able to find a job that would allow me to work and still complete the internship. Also, when I talked with someone at a local school about that program, they said my transcripts would have to be evaluated, but I'd probably have to take about 5 units. And the cost for each unit is almost $3000, which is more than the entire medical transcription program.

So I'm thinking I can start with #3, and if I'm able to get a job doing that and decide I want to save up money for one of the other options, I can do that. Hopefully I can find either a part or full time job while I'm going to school for medical transcription, but the program is self-paced, and I suppose I could just work my butt off to finish it ASAP if I don't find a job in the meantime.

I didn't shoot my eye out

Hope you all had a nice Valentine's Day or at least survived it without feeling too depressed.

Joe and I had a nice 4-day weekend. He took 2 mental health days off of work and we decided to do some things that were a little different than usual. We slept in on Friday, Saturday, and Monday (he did a little on Sunday, but I tend to sleep in anyway).

On Friday, I picked out our activities. We started by going bowling, where Joe kicked my butt at both games. I told him it tends to take me a couple games to "warm up" where I play terribly (my high score out of the two games was 69. Ouch, lol) and then I have maybe one or two good games and then I start doing poorly again. Well, he said his first game was his best game ever and he was very close to getting a turkey! His second game wasn't quite as good, but still better than mine (I was robbed from a couple strikes!). He isn't a big fan of bowling and we'd never done it together, but hopefully this might make him change his mind, because I enjoy it and hadn't gone bowling for well over 3 years.

After bowling, we hit up a Japanese sushi (& other Japanese foods) buffet. I wasn't all that hungry, but I piled my plate up before I sat down. And then I saw a sign that said there was a 20% charge for uneaten food. Joe had to help me clean my plate. The sushi was mediocre, but Joe said he wouldn't mind going their again. I should've looked harder for wasabi, which makes me enjoy sushi more.

Next we headed to a painting ceramics store. We didn't have anything specific in mind to paint, but he ended up painting a wizard bank for me and I ended up painting a vase for him. He wished he hadn't chosen something as detailed as he did while I wished I had chosen something that wasn't as much of a blank canvas. Our "creations" will be picked up today, and they are no masterpieces, but it was something neither of us had done before and enjoyed.

We decided to head home after painting and ended up staying home the rest of the evening. It was nice relaxing at home after having an active day together.

On Saturday, we didn't have anything major planned. We ate lunch at Red Robin and went futon shopping. First, we checked out futons at a local store, and then we went to Ikea. The products didn't compare at Ikea, so we decided to do a little more investigating online but figured we'd probably buy from the local store. We shopped online a bit but ended up going back to the first store to place our order. We were able to set the futon up to be delivered and set up for a very reasonable rate. We should get it in a couple weeks when the cover we ordered is available. We're really excited, because this will make our guest room more usable, and the futon seemed quite comfortable and sturdy.

After purchasing the futon, we went to a church Valentine's dance for adults. We snacked, chatted with some people we knew from church, and danced. It was the first time we'd really danced since our wedding (I say "really" because after we returned from our cruise without dancing-- and much to my dismay-- I made Joe dance with me in our family room). We only danced on the slow songs because Joe said he couldn't remember how to swing dance without a refresher class and he said he didn't know how to do any other kinds of dances. So we literally danced in circles. It brought me right back to dances as a teenager. We are definitely going to take a dancing class.

On Valentine's Day, we made breakfast together (German Oven Pancakes) and then headed to church. Joe didn't have any church-related meetings, which was very unusual but nice. So after church, we headed home, made lunch together, watched some TV, made dinner together, watched more TV, and played games. It was very relaxing and enjoyable.

Yesterday, Joe got to pick our activities out. We headed to Bellevue to go to an indoor shooting range. I had never fired a gun before in my life, but Joe wanted me to feel a little more comfortable with one, so he reviewed usage and safety information with me, showing me how to aim and all that fun stuff. Then he let me have a shot at it, literally. I swear my heart was beating so loudly in my chest that I felt like I was going to have a heart attack. I got less than a dozen total shots off, but felt like that was plenty for my first time through. He said I did pretty well for my first time, but I was just glad to have that done with.

After the shooting range, we headed to an indoor go-kart racing track. We paid ridiculous amounts of money to ride in electric cars with 4 other people (including one young boy who kept getting in my way and annoying the crap out of me) around the track for a total of about 16 laps and then that was that.

We headed to downtown Bellevue to shop and eat. We wanted to eat first, but our first two choices for food were places that weren't yet open, so we ended up at Bellevue Square. While trying to figure out where we'd eat, I decided against shopping. We ended up having fabulous Italian food in a restaurant where we were literally the only customers there. Afterwards, we headed to Video Only and Best Buy to look for a blu-ray player (we couldn't find one we were interested enough in buying) and then headed home.

When Joe asked me yesterday what activities I liked the most, I had a hard time answering that. While everything we did was okay, nothing was spectacularly fun or anything. On the other hand, it was very nice spending so much time together without time restraints or specific obligations strewn throughout. The only thing that we'd planned that had a specific time frame was the dance on Saturday night, and that didn't come close to interfering with anything we were doing. I told him I liked being out of the house (I swear that doesn't happen nearly enough these days), enjoying the sun (yesterday, anyway), and just spending time with him. I even told him that getting out made the sitting at home and watching TVs and DVDs more enjoyable for me because it was more of a way to relax than just a way to pass the time.

Here goes...

While we're on a tight budget right now (for various reasons, such as potentially owing money to the IRS, me not having a job, wanting to save up for a futon and some other home-improvement items, debt repayment), I am not against trying to lose weight. I know I need to. No one needs to convince me of that. I have doctor's recommendations that I'm following, but I have been curious about Weight Watchers and their points system for a while.

Still, I don't know how I feel about paying $40 a month to go to meetings. I have thought about joining the local community center, but that's $40 a month also. With the wii exercise games, workout DVDs and VHS tapes (yes, I still have VHS tapes: don't judge me), and the treadmill, I think I'll be okay with workout options (I'm a wuss from Arizona who doesn't really like to go walking in the rain, even if it isn't much more than a drizzle).

I got information about how to figure out Weight Watchers points from an anonymous friend (do they castrate you if they find out or something?), and I'm pretty excited about it. I LOVE charts and graphs and math and visual aids (I'm surprised I'm not some sort of accounting geek or something). So Joe and I sat down together and did some number crunching. I had some junk food today (bad girl!) and figured that into my daily allowance. I have enough points left to eat dinner (phew!) as long as I don't go crazy with what I eat. But I love that I can workout and gain more points that way. It's like instant gratification! I have been on the treadmill for 20 minutes so far today (I say "so far" because I don't want myself to think I'm off the hook now for the rest of the day) and earned 2 more points as a result. YAY!

My short term goal is to lose 30 pounds by May. I wanted to do 30 pounds by my birthday (the big 3-0), but I didn't really start with a bang in January. So hopefully I will take advantage of all the tools I have been given (I know what to do and have for a while as far as exercising and eating healthy is concerned, but it's harder for me to put it into practice when I get those chocolate cravings!) and make some progress! Cheer me on! I need all the support I can get!

Photo courtesy of Pavel Losevsky

Busy, busy bees

Even though I'm not currently employed, I am trying very hard to stay busy. And I don't just mean stalking friends and family on Facebook, but I'm talking about being productive.

A couple weeks ago, I decided to paint two of the upstairs bedrooms. When we first moved into this house, we didn't have much use for four bedrooms, but we thought we might use them anyway while waiting for additions to our family to show up. Since I would soon be working from home, I got the largest non-master bedroom room for my home office. The smallest bedroom was dubbed Joe's office. Both of those rooms are carpet-free and face the front of the house. The fourth bedroom, furthest from our room, carpeted, and right next to the upstairs bathroom, became our guest bedroom.

I have wanted to do a lot of painting and work on this house, but I have learned that with an ever-growing list of house projects to work on and limited finances, it's not always easy to plan for or carry out renovations. When we decided to rent out our carpeted room, we allowed our tenant (my friend from church, Marie) to paint the room however she wanted. We helped her with the painting and removing of the border. And, eventually, Joe replaced the light fixture with a small ceiling fan.

Joe's office was more or less unused space, and he eventually sold his desk and it became the cats' room. While it was nice having a place to store their food, litter boxes, and toys out of our living space, it really wasn't necessary that they have their own room. The did, however get a lot of use out of it when they had fleas and were in quarantine!

Finally, we made painting and renovating the two offices more of a priority. Part of this was motivated by the fact that we no longer have the carpeted room as a guest bedroom and therefore have none. Another part was motivated by the possibility of flooding in a nearby town and a desire to help temporarily house someone if that happens. A third, but not final, motivation was Joe's mom and step-dad deciding to put their house up for sale and move to San Diego. We didn't know if they would need a temporary place to stay while finding jobs in San Diego or not, so we decided we'd offer up a bedroom for their temporary placement if needed. (It turns out that they declined our offer after considering it for a brief period of time, and they are already in San Diego with their house sold.)

So a couple weeks ago, I painted the cats' room (or Joe's old office). One wall is a shade of brown while the other three walls are a tan(ish) color. The following day (Saturday) Joe and I took apart my office desk and desktop and moved them into that room. The following Friday, I painted a wall in my old office a plum color, and the next day, Joe and I painted the other three walls gray. Joe's mom and step-dad have "loaned" us their treadmill, which this past Saturday found a home in the new guest room. We are hoping to purchase a relatively inexpensive futon for that room, give both the rooms new door handles and ceiling fans, and otherwise cozy up the room for future guests.

In addition, Joe sold his beloved Toyota Celica for another sporty car (a Dodge Neon SRT4), upgrading from a 1990 to a 2004 and two doors to four doors. He may try to sell the Neon and purchase a cheap commuter car that he enjoys driving so we can put the money toward paying off debt (like my student loans), but I'm not holding my breath on that happening.

I decided to start another blog here where I can share some organizational tips, preparedness tips, and other such items people might find useful to help them be more frugal. Of course, I'll be chronicling for better or worse some of our DIY household projects such as painting and renovating to help us save money. I am proud to say that we got $20 in rebates from the paint used in our project (BEHR paint and primer combo, purchased at Home Depot) and put $50 toward our purchase on a gift card given to us at Christmas, so not only did we save money by painting ourselves, but we also saved money by waiting to get paint when it would be cheaper and maximizing our gift! :)

Some answers

I had a follow-up appointment today with the fertility clinic in Tacoma. I was nervous, because I knew the doctor would be reviewing my test results with me. He had my fasting glucose, insulin, and cholesterol levels checked. But I swear I thought somehow the result of the testing might be something like, "Put your head between your legs and kiss your butt goodbye! You're going to die!" Maybe that's because some days I actually *feel* like I could be dying. Trust me, after not having a period for close to four months, when it did happen, the sweet release of death was begged for silently at least once by me.

So, I talked with Joe last night about my concerns and fears and he gave me a blessing of comfort. Then, despite my allergies, I slept okay. It was hard to drag me out of bed for the appointment. I guess that's a result of my getting up whenever my body says, "I don't think I could sleep another SECOND right now. Maybe you could fall back asleep in an hour or two, but I'm pretty good at the moment." I still joke that I must be catching up on all the sleep I missed in college and grad school.

I arrived a little early for the appointment, and I didn't feel too concerned about what the doctor was going to say. It's like my friend Mark reminded me: if I was going to die, it was going to happen whether or not the doctor told me I was going to die. But I guess I was really worried that he'd say something like, "GIVE UP CHOCOLATE OR YOUR BOOBS WILL FALL OFF!" I begged the test results (and my blood) to do whatever voodoo magic they needed to do so that I wouldn't have high cholesterol or diabetes and I could continue inhaling my beloved chocolate as if it might go extinct any second.

The nurse told me the doctor wanted to probe my lady parts to make sure that the progesterone did its job. I disrobed from the waist down, sitting on the oh-so-comfortable exam table while my bum peeked out from under my sweater, just so it would be the first thing the doctor would see upon entering the room, and covered my lap with the flimsy blanket-o'-awkwardness. My doctor came in and sat across from me, watching me prudly squirm under the paper blanket as I attempted to keep it from escaping off my lap onto the floor and exposing my thunder thighs, joke of a shaving job, and gender identifier. He began by telling me that my insulin level was high, as expected, but my cholesterol and blood sugar levels were fine. Phew! He said this confirmed the PCOS diagnosis (although he just calls it PCO, which drives me bananas, but I'll let him slide since he's actually doing something HELPFUL), and then discussed the treatment plan while I sat, naked from the waist down, uncomfortably nodding and overly aware of the circumstances of my state of undress while praying in my head he would finish talking and get on with the show ASAP.

Ten million years later, he had me on my back, my feet quickly in stirrups and my rear perfectly situated like I was a professional gynecologist exam recipient. He chatted as though we were BFFs meeting over lunch as he squeezed some lube into the probe condom before sliding it on the ultrasound probe, and then commenced deep sea diving. He found the buried treasure that is my cervix, measured it, and pronounced the cervix size "acceptable." Just like that, the ultrasound and accompanying awkwardness was over. He instructed me to put some clothes on and meet him at the desk in the hallway where he gave me my prescription for Metformin.

So I start taking it tonight. It is typically given to diabetics to help reduce their blood sugar levels. But for people like me with high insulin levels and regular blood sugar levels, it helps reduce those insulin levels. I was given instructions on how to take it, as well as instructions to contact him if I have gastrointestinal issues while taking it, which may mean trying a different treatment route. I'll be following up with him in a couple months.

So wish me luck as I start this new journey. I sure hope my body cooperates and that this will lead to a pregnancy before I turn into fossil fuel!

I get paid to do this?

You may remember back in October that I announced I'd gotten a job writing for Examiner.com as the Seattle Infertility & Miscarriage Examiner. Shortly afterward, I decided that topic was too narrow and depressing for me to write several articles on a regular basis about it. Instead, I am now the Tacoma Family Examiner. I am very happy about this change, as it is more in line with my educational background, and it is a much more broad and passionate topic for me.

If you have any questions you would like answered related to the topic of family, feel free to email me at debra.kaitschuck@live.com and I will be happy to respond to them in future columns (I'd like to do a weekly advice column in addition to my articles if the desire is there). Also, if you have any topics you would like covered, I will be happy to oblige.

Here is a link to my latest article: Setting and Achieving Goals as a Family

You can be an Examiner too!

Where's a haz-mat suit when you need one?

I woke up this morning feeling fantastic. After all, my last period had been mid-September, so it's clear my body has been running like a well-oiled machine and all that. My first visit to the fertility clinic in Tacoma led to an ultrasound, where I got to see how my ovaries looked kind of like chocolate chip cookies (my doctor's words, not mine; I would never profane chocolate like that!) and my PCOS diagnosis was confirmed. We chit-chatted like 2 old college buds-- if one of those "buds" was a teacher trying to give a lecture and the other "bud" was an annoying class member whose hand kept shooting up to ask questions, interrupting the flow of the instructor's thoughts. But I got all my questions answered and my doctor formulated a game plan which required some testing before it could be put into action. So hopefully the game plan A or amended game plan B will be shared with me at my next appointment.

He sent me out of the office with a script for progesterone to take for 12 days. He said when I stopped taking it, my body would kind of "reset" itself and I'd finally have a period. So I dutifully took the pills, and now... the floodgates have been opened! Let me tell those of you who have never had the pleasure of experiencing a period after months off just how fun it is! I mean, if you ever wondered what it might feel like for you if someone had made a voodoo doll of you and stabbed it repeatedly in the lady parts with a ginormous sewing needle, just ask me!

So I'm in bed this morning, cursing Eve and womanhood and praying for sweet release by death when Joe comes out of the bathroom. "I think there's a dead bird in our yard," he pronounces, walking over to our bedroom window, peering out the blinds, and then walking back into the bathroom to shower. I don't care. I want to pull his tongue out of his mouth with my teeth for thinking I might even give that a second thought.

But since he said it, I couldn't stop thinking about it. Eventually, I peek outside from between the blinds and think what I see looks like it very well could be a bird. So when I head downstairs to consider having some nourishment with my Aleve cocktail, I open the blinds at the kitchen window and look out again. The view really isn't any better from here, directly below our bedroom, but I tell myself it probably is a bird and vow to stay away.

Being the good wife that I am, I decide to take out the garbage and recycling instead of making Joe take it out in the dark when he gets home tonight or letting it pile up for another day or two before I take it out. And while I'm outside, in the backyard, I can't stop staring at the pile of whatever-it-is about five feet away from the back fence. It does look bird-like, but it's kind of big. My curiosity wins out, so I creep toward the pile, my heart threatening to jump out of my chest as I do so.

I think I'm going to have a heart attack or vomit (not from pain but fright) as I get closer to the pile. It's clear now that it's a bird, but I don't want to get too close. Who knows what might be feeding on it, just out of my sight? My imagination takes over and I fear that maybe some wild animal killed it, left it there as bait, and is somehow in my backyard, lurking I-don't-know-where while waiting for a bigger meal to come along. Utterly freaked out, I hurry back inside.

So, of course, I update my Facebook status to let everyone I've ever known in my life share in my horrific experience. I know I won't touch the thing with my bare hands, with gloved hands, with a shovel, or with a 10-foot pole. Instead, I ask what to do about it. My friend Teri posts, and I am inspired by her posting to do an Internet search: what to do with a dead bird Washington state. A couple clicks later, and I find a phone number to the Washington State Department of Fish & Wildlife. I give them a call, silently praying that they'll rush to my house to dispose of the bird and offering money as a reward for calling them like a good petrified citizen.

Ella answers the phone and asks me some questions like, "What color is it?" and "Do you know the difference between hawks and owls?" and "Do you happen to live by a lake or anything?" I inform her that the wingspan is approximately 3 feet and I can't see the bird's head. She asks if there's any way I can take a picture of it and email it to her so she can identify the bird. I agree and slide my feet back into my flip flops, turn off the alarm, and grab my digital camera. As I open the door to head outside, I hear Marie coming down the stairs. I know she's watching my life-and-death adventure and will tell Joe of my untimely demise if necessary.

I creep up to the bird as close as I dare, practically shaking as I zoom in the camera. I take one shot:

Then I see the talons on this thing, peeking out from its tail feathers. Holy crap they're long! I say a silent prayer that the bird is actually dead and not faking its death so it can attack me and claw my eyes out as I inch around to the other side to get another picture showcasing the Talons of Death. I tell myself that if I look through my camera lens only, I will be safer somehow. I see the size of the talons and claws on my camera's screen and swear my mind must be playing tricks on me. So I bravely lower the camera to get a look at it with my naked eye, and they are even bigger. Holy crap! I decide I'm done with the photo shoot and hurry back into the safety of my house.

Marie tells me she observed me from the kitchen window and laughed at my stealthy and terrified gait. She refuses to go outside to get a closer look at the bird, so I show her the pictures as I upload them onto my computer. I email the pictures to Ella, who thinks the bird appears to be a hawk of some sort but says she can't be sure from its back. She reports that she will call a biologist in the area and have them contact me. I'm still waiting for the call. And if they don't contact me by tomorrow, she says I can dispose of it in the garbage, double bagged. If it gets to that point, Joe has the honors. After all, my body is in enough pain right now without possibly having to add "fight the bird flu" to its list of demands.

Books read in 2009

If I could look at one thing I enjoyed throughout 2009, it was the free time I had to read. There were a handful of books I started reading but didn't finish (because I was distracted by other more engaging books) and one or two I simply started and quit reading. There were also books I wasn't impressed with and others that pleasantly surprised or entertained me. All in all, I read 60 books. It's not that impressive a number, but it's significantly more than I've read in a year before. Depending on how the job situation works out, I may be close to that this year. Some of the books took longer to read, and some were quite quick reads. I know that I read some books that people may find offensive, but I have thick skin or something, I guess.

Anyway, here are the books I read:

1-7. The Harry Potter series- I had read these books through once before, and I enjoyed reading them. I wasn't a HUGE fan of the Harry Potter movies I'd seen, but seeing the movies I'd seen got me interested in reading the books. After reading the books, I realized just how much was left out of the movies and how intricate the stories are. I think it is quite apparent that J. K. Rowling spent years and years and years outlining the story for the books, and I think she is a brilliant writer. So, when the series was finally available (and in paperback for much cheaper!), I jumped on the opportunity to own the books. The stories get longer and the writing more advanced as the series progresses, which is brilliant. After all, her young readers get hooked early on and develop along with Harry Potter himself. The language does get a bit more "adult" as well, but there aren't more than a spattering of words in the later books that people might deem unnecessary. I talked my husband into reading the first book, and he ended up reading the entire series. He would read a book, then I would re-read it, and we would watch the movie. The movies became a little disappointing after reading the books, but I fell in love with the series all over again.

8-12. Josi Kilpack is an LDS author I discovered in 2009 whose books I can't get through the library now fill my Amazon wish list. Our church book club read Lemon Tart, a somewhat predictable but entertaining culinary mystery with fattening and delicious recipes sprinkled throughout. One of the older women at church then checked out another of Ms. Kilpack's novels from the library and told me all about it, twice. So I checked out her books Unsung Lullaby (which really spoke to me and had me in tears more than once), Surrounded by Strangers, To Have or To Hold, and eventually the sequel to Lemon Tart, English Trifle. There are a few LDS references in some of her books, but I would venture to say that they are suitable for people who are not LDS if they don't mind the occasional references.

13. Pamela Hansen's Running With Angels- This was another book read through the church book club. It spoke to me in various ways and I thoroughly enjoyed it. This author has lived through some tough situations I couldn't even imagine, and I felt as though I was reading something from someone who understands what it's like to be overweight and live through tough challenges. I felt blessed in my own life as I read some of what she has gone through. What a strong woman! Her sequel, Finding the Angel Within, is on my reading list for 2010.

14-28. James Patterson- Most of his stuff is not for the easily offended (he has some young adult novels that are more clean and a few other books that are not offensive). While his books contain some sex and gore and language, they are not what I'd consider pornographic. They are murder mysteries/thrillers. And they are quick reads and enjoyable. I started out with 1st to Die, the first book of his Women's Murder Club series. I loved it so much, I caught up on the series, reading through 8th Confession and looking forward to the next installment. I was so engaged that I wanted to read more of his books. I recently started the Alex Cross series, finishing Along Came a Spider toward the end of the year. I also read his Sundays at Tiffany's about a woman falling in love with her imaginary friend (it was a very unusual story for him), The Beach House (another murder mystery), Against Medical Advice (a true- and interesting and insightful- story about Cory Friedman's fight against Tourette's and OCD), The Quickie (a disappointing murder mystery), and the first two books of his young adult series (apparently the stories are also available as graphic novels, which I may check out in 2010) Maximum Ride.

29-30. Simply Senusal & Lucky Streak by Carly Phillips- I think I've read one or two of her books before, but I couldn't remember whether or not I really liked them. The cover helped sell me on reading Simply Sensual, which was a very predictable romance novel about a PI hired to get information on a woman's granddaughter. And Lucky Streak was and entertaining-enough story about a couple who got married in Vegas the day they met.

31-32. Play Dirty & A Whole New Light by Sandra Brown- In the ridiculous story that is Play Dirty, an ex-con football player was hired to impregnate a multi-millionaire's wife. By the time I realized this was what was going on, I decided to finish the absurd story, but don't waste your time with it, even if you like romance novels and don't mind some sex. The only reason I read two of her books is because I recognized her name but forgot that I'd read Play Dirty when I picked up A Whole New Light from the library. The second book was better than the first, but still unimpressive.

33. The Reckoning by Jeff Long- An old co-worker of mine likes Jeff Long. So I finally decided to read one of his books. It was a little hard to get into, but the story was engaging, if not realistic. The story is of a search for lost soldiers' bodies in Cambodia. I don't know if I'll read more Jeff Long after reading this, but some people might enjoy it.

34. My Stroke of Insight by Jill Bolte Taylor- I bought this book after a recommendation from my older sister. I'm glad I did. This was one of my best reads in 2009. It has proved very insightful and will be read again (and again and again, most likely). I was surprised how much I liked hearing the story of a brain doctor's recovery from a stroke and the lessons she hopes others will learn from her experience. I definitely learned. She's a great teacher. Go buy this book.

35. The Hourglass Door by Lisa Mangum- This was a weird, original young adult novel. I believe it's going to become a several book series. I don't know how much I'll enjoy reading the following books, but I probably will read them anyway. It seems like another author's attempt to become the next J.K. Rowling.

36. Believe by Jennifer Silvera- This book was written to appeal to religious people. The author is not LDS, but you can tell she is spiritual. She spends the book talking about becoming a widow when her police officer husband is killed. I felt saddened for her, but the book wasn't nearly as interesting to me as My Stroke of Insight, Running with Angels or Against Medical Advice.

37. Night by Elie Wiesel- This book is engaging. It is heart-wrenching. I cried. And in 2009, I read it again. It served as a great reminder of my blessings and helped me appreciate them more. I will read it again. It is up there with Man's Search For Meaning as one of my all-time favorite books.

38. The Captain of Hear Heart by Anita Stansfield- I had heard of Anita Stansfield (an LDS romance novel author) before 2009, but I'd never read any of her books. My friend is a huge fan and has a lot of her novels. This is volume one of The Buchanan Saga. I have the other 3 books still to read, but it was easy to put off reading them. While the story was engaging and intriguing enough, I tend to have a difficult time getting into period-pieces. Set in the late 1700's, the love story of Kyrah, a servant girl, and Ritchard, an aristocrat, is fraught with challenges and heartache.

39. The Regulators by Stephen King as Richard Bachman- Man, there is gore in this book. I was so curious and interested in learning what was going to happen that I kept reading despite how bizarre the book is. I guess that's just par-for-course for Stephen King. And the book was based on notes from the late Richard Bachman, so I can understand why Stephen King was chosen to write the book.

40. Foul Play by Janet Evanovich- I enjoyed this romance novel about a dancing chicken who goes missing and the main suspect, Amy, working hard to clear her name.

41-44. Mitch Albom- Another author I'm happy to have discovered in 2009. I have actually had an interest in reading his books for quite some time, but I finally got to read For One More Day, The Five People You Meet in Heaven, Have a Little Faith, and Tuesdays With Morrie. They were all quick reads but captivating, interesting, inspirational, and thought provoking.

45. Certain Girls by Jennifer Weiner- This coming-of-age story illustrates how a Jewish mother and daughter learn more about each other. It was extremely hard for me to get through, and I didn't find it very fascinating or fulfilling. I should've stopped reading it at the first sign of boredom, but I guess I kept hoping it'd get better.

46. The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch- Randy Pausch was a professor at Carnegie Mellon University. He found out he had terminal cancer and spent some of his last days preparing to give his last lecture at the school. You can watch his last lecture on YouTube, but I would recommend reading the book instead (or first). He decided to make his lecture about achieving childhood dreams, and I have been inspired by his attitude when facing a terminal illness (much like I was in Tuesdays With Morrie).

47-48. Jason F. Wright's The Wednesday Letters and Christmas Jars- I was able to purchase both of these books for a great price, and I'm glad I did. These quick reads are inspirational. They have awakened in me a desire to start new traditions in my family to show my husband how much I love him and to share hope through service toward others. I read Christmas Jars over a month before Christmas, and it put and kept me in the Christmas spirit. I LOVED that.

49. Tower of Strength by Annette Lyon- This LDS romance novel is also a period time-piece. As such, I had some difficulty getting through it, but I did enjoy the story of two people falling in love in Manti after the deaths of their spouses.

50. Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert- I have to say this was the biggest disappointment of 2009. I wanted to quit reading the book more than once, but I kept on, hoping there was some reason I'd heard rave reviews about it. Still, I found myself uninterested in the author's search for balance and moving on through visiting Italy, India, and Indonesia. Most of the story lacked depth and what I saw was a person I didn't care to know. I just don't get what the appeal is. Perhaps someone could explain it to me.

51. Restless Hearts by Marta Perry- I got this book in the mail for free. It was a clean romance novel that I enjoyed much more than I thought I would. The story is about a midwife named Fiona who moves to an area known as the Crossroads to start her own midwife business and gets to know her Amish family and history. The book was a pleasant surprise and not something I would have ever picked out to read on my own. I'm glad I hung on to it long enough to read without throwing it away or donating it.

52. The Notebook by Nicholas Sparks- This was the first novel I have ever read by Nicholas Sparks. I don't know why I waited so long to read it, because I loved the movie. The book was even better. I will read more Nicholas Sparks books in 2010.

53. The Lucky One by Nicholas Sparks- I decided to go with this book next because I bought it at a cheap price. It wasn't near as good as The Notebook, but I enjoyed it well enough. I just wish the main character's name was easier to pronounce. I kept wanting to pronounce it incorrectly too, because even though Nicholas Sparks included how to correctly pronounce it in the book, another character kept pronouncing it incorrectly. That made the reading more frustrating than I would have liked it to have been.

54. When Parents Love Too Much by Laurie Ashner & Mitch Meyerson- My divorced friend told me I needed to read this book before getting married. She thought it would give me insight into my (now) mother-in-law and possibly even help prevent some problems in our marriage as a result. I bought the book but hadn't read it. I'm glad I finally read it, because I think I may have received some insight to various people who are or were in my life.

55. Good Service is Good Business by Catherine DeVrye- Catherine goes over various concepts of how to provide good service. This is a great book for those who are running their own businesses, but the insights you can gain can be applied to various aspects of your life.

56. Chocolate Snowman Murders by JoAnna Carl- A murder mystery involving chocolate? I was sold right there. The book was a fairly quick, fairly entertaining read.

57. The Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold- I didn't realize until I had picked up this book from the library that it was being made into a movie. After reading the book, I'm kind of surprised at that. Unless the movie veers from the book a bit, I don't know that it could work as a movie. The story is not just about the murdered Susie Salmon observing those she left behind but also about how the people left behind try to cope with the loss and adjust to the new normal.

58. Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte- I felt the book was somewhat predictable, but I liked it anyway. And no, I didn't know the story, although I had heard a few pieces of it.

59. Outliers: The Story of Success by Malcom Gladwell- My brother-in-law read and praised this book, and Joe and I had read two of Malcom Gladwell's other books in 2008, so I gave this one a read. The author used clear and compelling examples to back up his view that a mixture of luck and circumstances often play substantial roles in an individual's success, but I still want to believe that hard work and intellect play larger roles than he would have you think they do. Call me a dreamer, I guess.

60. The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins- I was soooo happy to discover this book. It's book 1 of a new series by Suzanne Collins. I bought book 1 and book 2 at the same time, but I haven't had a chance to read book 2 yet, and yet I'm still already super excited for book 3 to come out later this year. This young adult novel is about adolescents fighting to the death (against their will) for some sort of sick entertainment by those in control. It reminded me of a mixture of several different kinds of story lines I've heard before, but it was unique and entertaining. I can't wait to see the movie either! :P

What were some of your favorite reads in 2009? What books did you waste your time on that I shouldn't bother reading, even if they are on the "best seller" list or recommended by Oprah or someone at the local library?

Happy New Year!

I love celebrating full of hope and anticipation as each new year approaches. I imagine the next year bringing lots of blessings and happiness. But 2009 was certainly, without a doubt, a tough year for me. We had some fun on our cruise and our trip to Arizona for Thanksgiving, and we had a wonderful Christmas (more on that later). However, the year was full of it's share of trials. I don't know whether or not I've grown as a result of the trials I've gone through (and am currently going through), but I sure hope I have. And, frankly, I hope 2010 is a lot nicer to me. I can't hardly wait for the year to begin.

Joe and I are planning on playing games and snacking all night. Last year, I don't think we even made it to 10 pm, so we're hoping we can make it to the big 00:00. I went to the grocery store to grab some snacks, and ended up with a VERY full cart and over $160 lighter wallet (with over $100 of savings). I got home and plugged in the freezer in our garage, throwing a lot of my spoils into the freezer for future use. Just a couple hours ago, I got a 10% off coupon in my email for purchases today through the second, so I'm hoping they'll let me apply it to my purchase today.

I have a long list of resolutions for 2010. I have written them in the journal I take with me to church each week, and I'm hoping that reviewing them more regularly keep them forefront in my mind. I may add more as the year progresses, and some will definitely have an ending date prior to January 1, 2011 or beyond. I'm contemplating starting a side-project blog as part of a resolution idea I'm still throwing around in my head. If I do, I'll be sure to link it here.

I know 2009 wasn't a bad year for everyone, but it does seem like a lot of people I know are glad to see it gone. Whether or not you feel it was good to you, I hope you have a fantastic 2010!

It's Beginning To Look a Lot Like Debra Needs Psychotherapy

While I was growing up, my family had several traditions that they followed throughout the year. One tradition I complained about all the time was going around the neighborhood and singing Christmas carols to people who know me. The horror! And when we were younger, our parents made us bring along the instruments we could barely play to torture us even further.

So I decided I wanted to start some new traditions with Joe that we can torture our kids with every year. Last year, we took a cheesy Christmas photo of us and our kittens, and we decided to make that a yearly tradition. We went out of state for Christmas last year, and I was able to spend some time with some of my bajillion siblings. One of my older sisters said to another sister, "Did you get Debra's Christmas card? I'm worried about her! She's turning into Mom!" My oldest sister laughed, pretty sure the picture was in jest, as she told my other sister her opinion. But although my siblings were hopeful, I think they were a little nervous that the picture might not be a joke.

We went even cheesier this year, thanks in part to some AWESOME finds at the after-Christmas sale at Target. And yet I have found myself checking in with people I have sent the photo to, just to make sure they know we weren't serious.

Merry Christmas!

From the Crazy Cat Lady

The Christmas Letter conundrum

After barely surviving yesterday mentally and emotionally, I am faced with the task of writing our Christmas letter. However, I'm finding this task to be especially hard this year. In fact, I think I may have to review my blog and journal entries looking for positive things to write, because other than the cruise in June and visiting my parents for Thanksgiving, there wasn't much I remember about 2009 that I liked. Man, I can't wait until I can say goodbye to this year!

Do you think it is okay if I mention some less-than-positive things that happened this year? I think I'm going to leave my miscarriage out of the letter, but I am leaning toward writing about losing my job and the cats getting fleas.

It's the most wonderful time of the year

Ever since I have been married, I have regained enthusiasm, and even love, for the end of the year holidays. I get excited about Thanksgiving and find myself reflecting on all the things I'm grateful for and all I've been blessed with in my life. Then I indulge in some of my favorite foods (and I haven't been stuffing myself the past few years, so that's good).

This year, we went to Arizona for Thanksgiving, spending it with most of my family. We arrived on Thanksgiving day, stayed in a hotel by my parents' house for 3 of the 4 nights of our trip, and flew home early Monday morning. Friday morning, Joe and I had a room service breakfast (we had $150 credit to spend at the hotel). Then Joe dropped me off at my parents and drove to Mesa where he Joe went out to lunch with his friend Jacob, Jacob's wife Becky, and their newborn baby. The adult girls and two oldest nieces went out to lunch at Carlos O'Brien's and then shopping at the mall. Later that night, Joe and I went with my sister Lisa and her husband Tom to Chili's for dinner and then saw The Invention of Lying at the cheaper theaters. Saturday, we had breakfast at Sonic and then drove around a while before meeting my friend Erin, Jacob, Becky, and their baby for lunch at Oregano's. Afterward, we took a nap at the hotel before heading to my parents' house to figure out what the plan was for that night. The adults went to dinner at PF Chang's and then Joe and I headed back to our hotel room (after trying unsuccessfully to reach my old friend Kelli to meet up).

On Sunday, we headed to church and then hung out at my parents' house before going back to the church building for the baby blessings of my two newest nieces, Sarah and Kate. There were sandwiches and plenty of goodies to eat while we chatted with some extended family before heading home. So, it felt like a lot of the trip was centered around family and food, and that was quite alright with me.

Right after Thanksgiving is over, I'm more comfortable with the Christmas music playing everywhere, and I find myself choosing to listen to it and enjoying it immensely. When we got home on Monday, I popped in some of my own Christmas CDs and we start decorating. Now that I've experienced having a real tree, I'm okay with going back to a fake tree. This year, I also had some unopened decorations that I purchased after Christmas last year to enjoy. We even had a brand new, pre-lit slim tree (but I must admit that I'm disappointed by it).

Joe put some hooks up around the house previously, so he put lights up with ease this year. He even put some hooks up on the second story this year to hang lights from. And we now have a large star on the side of our house and a wreath on our front door. I picked up a few additional decorations and extension cords at Target and have been slowly finishing up the decorating (figuring out where to put what). I'm definitely in the holiday mood!

I still have some Christmas goodies I'd like to bake. And I have been enjoying watching Christmas movies (many made for TV on the Hallmark channel) and shopping for Joe. I told Joe I wanted to have a couple gifts to unwrap this year, as last year we just opened boxes from Amazon as they arrived, and it wasn't the same. So he wrapped a few gifts for me and put them under the tree, where they sat for less than a week. On Friday night when he got home from work, he insisted I open one gift and then gave me the option of opening a second gift. The first gift I opened was a wii workout game, so I figured I might as well open the other gift (figuring it was the wii itself). Joe purchased it used from a friend for a good price and set it up.

We had a busy day Saturday, without any real opportunities to try the game out. So this morning, Joe turned it on and tried out the game. He seemed to be enjoying himself, and I was amused at his "explanation" that he was trying to get me motivated/interested in playing the game by demonstrating it for me. Ha ha ha

A Yummy Recipe

I'm not sure where it originated from, but my mom has been making this for Thanksgiving in the more recent past, and I love it. This is saying a lot, since I'm not a big yams fan and such a picky eater.

Texas Candied Yams and Apples

3 large apples
1 stick margarine
2 large cans yams (drained)
3 Tbls. cornstarch
1 c. sugar
1/2 tsp. cinnamon
1 1/2 c. water
1 tsp. salt
Miniature marshmallows (opt.)

Peel and cut apples in wedges and place apples & cut up yams in a 9 x 13
inch casserole dish. Mix cinnamon, sugar, cornstarch and salt in
saucepan and add water and butter. Boil together until dissolved and
pour over yams and apples. Bake at 350 degrees for 1 hour. If desired,
put marshmallows on top and return to over for 5 minutes. Serves 8.

If you don't have something nice to say...

I know it's been a while since I've written, but I feel that I have a reasonable explanation for it. Someone said I always complain. I knew he wasn't correct, but it sure got me thinking. And so I decided to make a conscious effort not to complain so much. When there isn't a whole lot positive to write about, I've chosen not to write.

However, writing itself is very therapeutic to me. I've been writing more these days in my personal journal than I have on my blog. But I don't get the understanding, empathy, feedback, etc from private entries.

So, I've decided to write something in hopes that someone might be able to help me. And even if not, it's nice to get it out, put it out there, and hopefully be able to move on to my NaNoWriMo writing which has fallen quite behind.

I feel so left out and lonely. I'm a member of a church that puts quite an emphasis on family, which I think is great. I love my siblings, and my heart breaks when I hear of siblings not getting along. I'm quite an emotional person and have always been. I get overcome with emotion and cry, but not always because I'm sad. I heard some children singing at church a couple weeks ago, and my heart was full of God's love for them, and I cried like a baby.

I have a large family and large extended family, both by birth and by marriage. Plus, I feel like I also have a church family. But I don't feel like I fit in there. Sometimes, I don't feel like I fit in anywhere. The desire of my heart is to have a child. I cry about it and pray for it so strongly. I think I see something that is a sign of pregnancy and tell myself not to get my hopes up, because my heart will just break. But I can't help it. Sometimes I feel like I will never be complete until I am a mother. And, to be perfectly honest, it hurts to hear people gushing about their kids, pregnancies, etc. I am happy for them and want to be, but it also serves as painful reminders that I am not there myself. I wonder if I will ever be.

I have told Joe that if I'm not pregnant by the time I'm 30, I would see a fertility specialist and possibly start the adoption process. But I have decided not to wait until then, and I'm working up the nerve to see a fertility specialist now. And I'm terrified about it. It just doesn't seem fair to me that pregnancy seems to come so easy at times to people who may not even want it, when there are people out here like me who would LOVE to have children.

So I have tried to find ways to distract myself from my sadness and pain. I have been reading and watching TV and writing and sleeping and (of course) looking for a job. But they only work for short periods of time before I'm feeling restless, hopeless, frustrated, and/or alone again. Sometimes it's hard to be positive or look on the bright side of things.

Photo courtesy of David Smith

I'm an Examiner!

I feel like I'm an official author now. I know I have a long way to go, but I got hired by Examiner.com to be the Seattle Infertility & Miscarriage Examiner. You can check out my page here and leave a comment if you feel so inclined. I've got my first article published, and I'm going to try to write 3-4 a week. I get paid based on how many people read my articles and things like that, so there isn't any guaranteed salary. We'll see how it goes and how I like it. In the meantime, I'm still looking for a part-time or full-time job and excited about NaNoWriMo.

Writing and Facebook and More

I think I'm done with Facebook. However, despite the reasons I want to quit, I kind of feel bad doing so, so maybe I will go back to it. I have a while before they permanently delete my profile (and all I have to do to cancel that request is log in), so I'm doing a lot of internal debate about whether or not I should give it another go. I was *thisclose* to deleting my account a while back, but I think I want to more now.

While at the writers retreat earlier this month, I received some inspiration. After a long day, I returned with my roommates back to our cabin and fell asleep quickly with my headphones in and iPod playing. I woke up not too long after to lots of loud laughter that the music could not drown out. I tried to ignore it and go back to sleep, but I couldn't, and my curiosity got the best of me. So I eventually got up and learned that a lizard and then a mouse had scampered across the floor of our cabin, alarming some of my roommates (and I don't blame them-- I would've been freaked out if I'd have seen it and probably would've been freaked out anyway if I wasn't so tired). But they were starting to calm down about the time that I decided to get up, so they headed to bed and I tried to go back to sleep myself. But as I stared into the darkness, sleep eluded me. Then ideas started running through my mind. I grabbed my notebook and started writing them down- first in the dark and soon by the light of my cell phone because the ideas wouldn't stop coming.

I felt great and was able to fall asleep after I got all the ideas on paper. This lead to me deciding that I should participate in National Novel Writing Month again this year. However, because I am writing about myself and not fiction, I'm not quite following the rules (which classifies me as a rebel but won't get me kicked out or anything). I'm really excited.

And in other news, I got an email from my ex-best friend. We haven't talked since before I was married and before she was married (I don't remember exactly when the last time was). I'm not one to carry a grudge, and I've found myself often wondering how she's doing. I haven't called her (she included her phone number with the email), but I did send her a short email back and haven't heard from her. Why did she contact me? She didn't really say in the email. So I'm wondering if it's something she wants to talk about only over the phone.

Sick, then sick again, then sick again

I had a great time at the writers retreat. It helped re-motivate me, and while I was there, I was inspired for a book idea. So I am going to participate in National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo) again and put that idea onto paper. And, unlike last year, I have a solid idea this year. So when the month is up, I'll actually edit the book and (hopefully) end up with something I think I'd like to submit for publication.

I was a little worried about going to the retreat because I was sick for close to a week before the retreat and wasn't sure that I was even better, but I was determined to go, and I felt okay while I was there. I heard from Joe while I was on my way home from the retreat, and he was sick. So I took care of him the next day and ended up sick again. I didn't feel as sick last week as I did the week before, but I was definitely off. I woke up feeling a little nauseous yesterday but decided to go to church anyway and felt okay after I started getting ready. However, today, I'm not feeling so great again. I've had a little bit of nausea, but right now, it's a bad headache and a sore throat mostly. I hope it's not strep!

I have some ideas of things I'd like to do with my blog based on some information we talked about at the retreat, and I would like to put them into action, but I'd like to when I start feeling better.

Writers Retreat

I'm going on a writers retreat in about 1 1/2 weeks. I'm as excited about that as I am to go see Wicked this week, I think. I have to make sure that I figure out what writing I want to work on while I'm there (we'll have time for that) because I'm sure I'll be feeling motivated.

I've thought about a few different ideas for books, but nothing is really screaming out to me to be written (except the ideas I've already started), so I'm still pondering. I really want to write a good young adult novel. I don't know if I'm creative enough. And I also worry that people will bash my writing just like they do Stephanie Meyer. If I write more "adult" or "sophisticated" novels, will they still appeal to teens? Will they still be novels that all ages can enjoy? That's what I'm aiming for. Balance.

Fed up

A handful of days ago, Marie noticed a couple fleas on her leg. This was the start of my personal hell. I had noticed the cats scratching themselves a lot around that same time, and I can't say I'd noticed that before, but I figured I was probably just being paranoid.

Anyway, we started out with spray for the house and spray for the cats. And we quickly added flea collars for the cats, which we were quite surprised they didn't even try to get out of. We also quarantined them in Joe's old office... but the fleas were only part of the reason for that. Apparently, one or both of the cats decided to stop using the litter box. Is it related to the fleas? I don't know. But when they're quarantined with their litter box, they both use it.

Saturday, we locked the cats up in the garage and bombed the house (I'd thoroughly vacuumed it on Friday but there were still some). This still hasn't quite taken care of the problem. So, more vacuuming, more spraying, more itching and scratching, more bites on the feet. And now, we're trying other things we've read about. I have a few bowls of soapy water on the ground, which are catching some fleas, but not all of them. I read that putting a candle in the bowl at night will draw the fleas to the light, so we'll try that tonight. And then more vacuuming and spraying every day until I stop itching.

Joe is getting bitten a lot more than I am, and looking at his feet and lower legs, he almost looks like he has chicken pox or something. Poor guy. We're all irritated over here.

I am boring

So, I know I have neglected this blog. That's partly due to a couple things: 1) I now have an online journal, and I get reminders if I haven't written in it for a few days, so I'm more constant in writing there, but I often don't want to put all of what I've written there into a blog or edit it, and 2) really not much exciting is going on in my life.

Also, this isn't a reason why I haven't written, but maybe a reason I feel inclined to write today (although maybe I shouldn't be because of this reason): I am so bummed right now. I'd say I'm depressed, but it's really more of an isolated incident (today) than an ongoing feeling. I've been taking advantage of time I'm not employed to look for jobs while reading books and watching way more TV shows and movies than a person should. But it gets old sometimes. I want to shake up the routine, and I've been trying to do just that as money and my mood will allow.

Marie finally moved in with us, and we love having her here. Hopefully she likes staying here and will continue to do so until she finds a place of her own on her own time frame. She's a great roommate and helps with the dishes (which I absolutely HATE doing, so it's a super bonus!).

And about the same time, I got some pizza sauce on a couch cushion (I'm so naughty for eating pizza in front of the TV, I know). So I took off the cushion cover and threw it in the washing machine as soon as I realized a little upholstery stain remover wasn't doing the job. But when it came out, it was all torn up. So we figured that was our sign it was time to get a new couch. I've wanted one for a LONG time and the condition of our couch seems to continue to get worse and worse... so we got one. It required us to tighten our purse strings, so to speak, but we now have a fluffy, comfy microfiber couch and matching loveseat in our family room. Unfortunately, they are a little bigger than they should be because of the size of the room, but we're going to make it work anyway.

We were supposed to head to an overnight campout with some people from church, but Joe had to work about 14 hours yesterday (and figured he spent about 4 hours in the car), came home with a car that was overheating as he was driving home, and had to work a longer shift today. Even though we haven't gone camping since we've gotten married and I *love* camping, I let him off the hook, saying we could cancel if he wants to. After all, I'm sure he doesn't want to spend an extra couple hours in the car today to get to the campsite just to turn around tomorrow to drive home in the early afternoon. So we have worked out a compromise. We're going camping in our living room! I'm actually pretty excited about this for some dumb reason. But I'm hoping it'll be romantic (as romantic as we ever are, lol) and memorable. And I even bought stuff to make S'mores and roast hot dogs over our fireplace fire (I still have to make sure we can start one, though). Hopefully our cats won't be too annoying tonight!

So, the reason why I'm having a bad day today is job-hunting let-downs. I figure I must be doing something (or everything???) terribly wrong, but I am not sure how to improve or fix what is keeping me from getting interviews or getting noticed, especially when it's regarding jobs I *really* want and *really* feel qualified for. I sat down last week and wrote what I thought was the best cover letter I've ever written, but I haven't gotten a response about that job. Or I'm being told people more qualified are being chosen for interviews (via email form rejection letters) when I just don't understand how I could appear more qualified than I do from my resume. Or I have to go to website after website filling in that particular company's application online (and that is loads of fun, let me tell you) just to never hear from the company again. Or I call a company to follow up on the status of my application and get treated quite poorly. *sigh*

Anyway, I'm trying not to start feeling down right before Joe comes home (whenever that might be) so I can be in better spirits for our "camping trip".