Writing and Facebook and More

I think I'm done with Facebook. However, despite the reasons I want to quit, I kind of feel bad doing so, so maybe I will go back to it. I have a while before they permanently delete my profile (and all I have to do to cancel that request is log in), so I'm doing a lot of internal debate about whether or not I should give it another go. I was *thisclose* to deleting my account a while back, but I think I want to more now.

While at the writers retreat earlier this month, I received some inspiration. After a long day, I returned with my roommates back to our cabin and fell asleep quickly with my headphones in and iPod playing. I woke up not too long after to lots of loud laughter that the music could not drown out. I tried to ignore it and go back to sleep, but I couldn't, and my curiosity got the best of me. So I eventually got up and learned that a lizard and then a mouse had scampered across the floor of our cabin, alarming some of my roommates (and I don't blame them-- I would've been freaked out if I'd have seen it and probably would've been freaked out anyway if I wasn't so tired). But they were starting to calm down about the time that I decided to get up, so they headed to bed and I tried to go back to sleep myself. But as I stared into the darkness, sleep eluded me. Then ideas started running through my mind. I grabbed my notebook and started writing them down- first in the dark and soon by the light of my cell phone because the ideas wouldn't stop coming.

I felt great and was able to fall asleep after I got all the ideas on paper. This lead to me deciding that I should participate in National Novel Writing Month again this year. However, because I am writing about myself and not fiction, I'm not quite following the rules (which classifies me as a rebel but won't get me kicked out or anything). I'm really excited.

And in other news, I got an email from my ex-best friend. We haven't talked since before I was married and before she was married (I don't remember exactly when the last time was). I'm not one to carry a grudge, and I've found myself often wondering how she's doing. I haven't called her (she included her phone number with the email), but I did send her a short email back and haven't heard from her. Why did she contact me? She didn't really say in the email. So I'm wondering if it's something she wants to talk about only over the phone.

Sick, then sick again, then sick again

I had a great time at the writers retreat. It helped re-motivate me, and while I was there, I was inspired for a book idea. So I am going to participate in National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo) again and put that idea onto paper. And, unlike last year, I have a solid idea this year. So when the month is up, I'll actually edit the book and (hopefully) end up with something I think I'd like to submit for publication.

I was a little worried about going to the retreat because I was sick for close to a week before the retreat and wasn't sure that I was even better, but I was determined to go, and I felt okay while I was there. I heard from Joe while I was on my way home from the retreat, and he was sick. So I took care of him the next day and ended up sick again. I didn't feel as sick last week as I did the week before, but I was definitely off. I woke up feeling a little nauseous yesterday but decided to go to church anyway and felt okay after I started getting ready. However, today, I'm not feeling so great again. I've had a little bit of nausea, but right now, it's a bad headache and a sore throat mostly. I hope it's not strep!

I have some ideas of things I'd like to do with my blog based on some information we talked about at the retreat, and I would like to put them into action, but I'd like to when I start feeling better.

Writers Retreat

I'm going on a writers retreat in about 1 1/2 weeks. I'm as excited about that as I am to go see Wicked this week, I think. I have to make sure that I figure out what writing I want to work on while I'm there (we'll have time for that) because I'm sure I'll be feeling motivated.

I've thought about a few different ideas for books, but nothing is really screaming out to me to be written (except the ideas I've already started), so I'm still pondering. I really want to write a good young adult novel. I don't know if I'm creative enough. And I also worry that people will bash my writing just like they do Stephanie Meyer. If I write more "adult" or "sophisticated" novels, will they still appeal to teens? Will they still be novels that all ages can enjoy? That's what I'm aiming for. Balance.

Fed up

A handful of days ago, Marie noticed a couple fleas on her leg. This was the start of my personal hell. I had noticed the cats scratching themselves a lot around that same time, and I can't say I'd noticed that before, but I figured I was probably just being paranoid.

Anyway, we started out with spray for the house and spray for the cats. And we quickly added flea collars for the cats, which we were quite surprised they didn't even try to get out of. We also quarantined them in Joe's old office... but the fleas were only part of the reason for that. Apparently, one or both of the cats decided to stop using the litter box. Is it related to the fleas? I don't know. But when they're quarantined with their litter box, they both use it.

Saturday, we locked the cats up in the garage and bombed the house (I'd thoroughly vacuumed it on Friday but there were still some). This still hasn't quite taken care of the problem. So, more vacuuming, more spraying, more itching and scratching, more bites on the feet. And now, we're trying other things we've read about. I have a few bowls of soapy water on the ground, which are catching some fleas, but not all of them. I read that putting a candle in the bowl at night will draw the fleas to the light, so we'll try that tonight. And then more vacuuming and spraying every day until I stop itching.

Joe is getting bitten a lot more than I am, and looking at his feet and lower legs, he almost looks like he has chicken pox or something. Poor guy. We're all irritated over here.

I am boring

So, I know I have neglected this blog. That's partly due to a couple things: 1) I now have an online journal, and I get reminders if I haven't written in it for a few days, so I'm more constant in writing there, but I often don't want to put all of what I've written there into a blog or edit it, and 2) really not much exciting is going on in my life.

Also, this isn't a reason why I haven't written, but maybe a reason I feel inclined to write today (although maybe I shouldn't be because of this reason): I am so bummed right now. I'd say I'm depressed, but it's really more of an isolated incident (today) than an ongoing feeling. I've been taking advantage of time I'm not employed to look for jobs while reading books and watching way more TV shows and movies than a person should. But it gets old sometimes. I want to shake up the routine, and I've been trying to do just that as money and my mood will allow.

Marie finally moved in with us, and we love having her here. Hopefully she likes staying here and will continue to do so until she finds a place of her own on her own time frame. She's a great roommate and helps with the dishes (which I absolutely HATE doing, so it's a super bonus!).

And about the same time, I got some pizza sauce on a couch cushion (I'm so naughty for eating pizza in front of the TV, I know). So I took off the cushion cover and threw it in the washing machine as soon as I realized a little upholstery stain remover wasn't doing the job. But when it came out, it was all torn up. So we figured that was our sign it was time to get a new couch. I've wanted one for a LONG time and the condition of our couch seems to continue to get worse and worse... so we got one. It required us to tighten our purse strings, so to speak, but we now have a fluffy, comfy microfiber couch and matching loveseat in our family room. Unfortunately, they are a little bigger than they should be because of the size of the room, but we're going to make it work anyway.

We were supposed to head to an overnight campout with some people from church, but Joe had to work about 14 hours yesterday (and figured he spent about 4 hours in the car), came home with a car that was overheating as he was driving home, and had to work a longer shift today. Even though we haven't gone camping since we've gotten married and I *love* camping, I let him off the hook, saying we could cancel if he wants to. After all, I'm sure he doesn't want to spend an extra couple hours in the car today to get to the campsite just to turn around tomorrow to drive home in the early afternoon. So we have worked out a compromise. We're going camping in our living room! I'm actually pretty excited about this for some dumb reason. But I'm hoping it'll be romantic (as romantic as we ever are, lol) and memorable. And I even bought stuff to make S'mores and roast hot dogs over our fireplace fire (I still have to make sure we can start one, though). Hopefully our cats won't be too annoying tonight!

So, the reason why I'm having a bad day today is job-hunting let-downs. I figure I must be doing something (or everything???) terribly wrong, but I am not sure how to improve or fix what is keeping me from getting interviews or getting noticed, especially when it's regarding jobs I *really* want and *really* feel qualified for. I sat down last week and wrote what I thought was the best cover letter I've ever written, but I haven't gotten a response about that job. Or I'm being told people more qualified are being chosen for interviews (via email form rejection letters) when I just don't understand how I could appear more qualified than I do from my resume. Or I have to go to website after website filling in that particular company's application online (and that is loads of fun, let me tell you) just to never hear from the company again. Or I call a company to follow up on the status of my application and get treated quite poorly. *sigh*

Anyway, I'm trying not to start feeling down right before Joe comes home (whenever that might be) so I can be in better spirits for our "camping trip".

Bring on the laugh lines

On Tuesday, Joe and I went to the $2 theater (movies are only $1 on Tuesdays) and saw Night at the Museum 2. We enjoyed the silly movie well enough. There were some jokes that the kids in the audience were laughing loudly at, and it made me think about how much more fun and entertaining innocence is than being an adult. Sometimes I feel like I have all but lost my imagination, and that's too bad. It's like things that used to be amusing or otherwise entertaining are somehow beneath me because I'm an adult now. Psh! I am giving myself permission to be immature more often. I think I'll laugh more that way.

On Tuesday night, I went with a couple girl friends to see The Time Traveler's Wife. The movie was a unique, interesting story that reminded me of The Curious Case of Benjamin Button in some ways. It was nice getting out of the house and spending time with some friends. I don't feel like I do that nearly enough.

I got home from the movies and tried to go to sleep, but I tossed and turned and wasn't able to sleep (probably because I had caffeine during the movie), so I left the bedroom to read without disturbing Joe. While I was in the living room, I moved some furniture around, trying out different arrangements, and I decided to rearrange the room. I enjoy the new setup much more than our last one, but we had just put up some paintings which will now need to be rearranged as well. Oh well! I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep for a while still, so I finished reading a book I got from the library. I think having all the time to read has been one of my favorite things about not having a job. I have read over 20 books this year and hope to read several more before the year is over.

So the job search is back on and I'm trying to be optimistic about everything, but I like the idea my mom had when I talked to her some time back, "Well, Debra, maybe you aren't supposed to work." Now if I could figure out how we can get by on just Joe's salary without feeling like we're sacrificing too much, I'd be alright. But if I have to work, I think that I might like to figure out some ways to make income from home (or put to practice some ideas I already have about that).

Rat City Rollergirls

Joe and I have been keeping ourselves busy. Joe had his work evaluation and did extremely well on it. Unfortunately, there is no raise associated with it, but hopefully he'll have opportunities to advance down the road that his current work ethic is helping with. He has also had some work tests and has had to switch his shifts up on occasion lately because of coworkers' injuries/illnesses. Meanwhile, I had my first job interview since being let go. Unfortunately, the position is only part time, is far from home, and doesn't pay very well. In fact, I would be making less money from that job alone than I make currently in unemployment. Still, I wanted the experience of a job interview, and it was actually kind of nice to get dressed up after so long of not having to.

We are continuing to experiment around the house with different placements of furniture, artwork, and other items, and it is finally starting to feel like some things are where they "should" be. For example, I purchased some Snapware containers, and used them to help organize some of our kitchen cupboards (some still need organization). Joe is happy that our family room now has a coffee table in it. I am hoping that we can find a good coffee table for the living room that will help pull the room together and make the couch and love seat feel less distant from each other.

Joe started reading the first Harry Potter book after much persuasion from me, and although he's not too far into it, I'm hoping he likes it enough that he'll continue reading the books, and then we can watch the movies together. After all, I have been so excited about the new movie that is out, and I would really like to see it ASAP. If I plan on watching it in the theater, however, I will probably have to go by myself or with a friend.

On Friday night, I went to see Earth Wind & Fire and Chicago play at the WaMu Theater underneath Qwest field (or so I was told that's where we were). I got the ticket for free from a church friend and had a great time. I wasn't around for many of the years that Earth Wind & Fire came out with hits, or I was too young to remember them, but I still recognized a handful of their tunes and enjoyed their stage presence and energy. The concert started with both bands coming out on stage all at the same time to perform together. It was really weird to see 20 people on stage at once, all performing and switching from one person to another for the "center" of attention. There was so much to see and enjoy. Then Chicago left the stage and Earth Wind & Fire performed alone. Once they were finished, there was a little break before Chicago performed. And finally, at the end of Chicago's performance, Earth Wind & Fire joined them on the stage again.

Yesterday, Joe and I were quite busy, but we had a pretty good day. We started out the morning a little earlier than I would have liked to, especially since I didn't get home from the concert until well after midnight, but we had a yummy reason to wake up. We made 2 packages of bacon and then headed to a breakfast potluck at the church. There was a really good turnout, and we had a good time socializing. Then we went grocery shopping before coming home. Joe pulled weeds from the back yard for about an hour, give or take, while I applied for jobs online. Then we relaxed a bit before starting to get ready for the Rat City Rollergirls roller derby game in Seattle.

We gave ourselves a little more than an hour to get to where we needed to be, but we didn't realize the Bite of Seattle was going on all weekend at the same place. Driving was chaos, but it wasn't too hard to find a parking place. However, after we parked and started to walk toward Key Arena, we ran into group after group of people standing in lines, talking, or enjoying various food, and it was after time for the game to start. So, unfortunately, we didn't get a chance to sample any of the food, but we had a fun time at the game.

Neither of us had ever been to a roller derby game before, but we watched the Rat City Rain of Terror take on Portland Axles of Annihilation. The Rain of Terror was severely beaten and we were kind of bummed until we realized there would be a second game shortly after the first one. The second game was the Rat City All-Stars versus the Carolina Rollergirls, and the quality of the action was far superior to the first game, which was a non-sanctioned game. The players had amusing names such as Valtron 3000, Anya Heels, and Wile E. Peyote. There was a brawl that was quickly broken up, one girl on the other team grabbed hold of another girl's teeny shorts and almost depantsed her, and the home team won. We were pretty hungry by the time the second game ended, but the Bite of Seattle was already over, so we went to The Cheesecake Factory for dinner before heading home and calling it a late night.

As a follow-up to my last blog entry...

I just printed out some wonderful coupons I was emailed over the last few days: a free slice of pie from Shari's (it doesn't say a purchase is required), 500 Bonus Reward Points for Fred Meyer, a free 16 oz. blizzard with the purchase of another 16 oz. blizzard at DQ, two free bottomless beverages with the purchase of two Gourmet Burgers at Red Robin, and a free steak dinner with the purchase of an entree at Black Angus. Woot!

Free stuff for your birthday (and other free stuff and discounts)

I recently had my birthday and enjoyed a few things for free, and I heard a little later than I would've liked about other birthday giveaways. So I figured I'd start a compilation here. If you know anything free that you'd like me to add, feel free to leave a comment. I will edit this as I find out more information:

ICE CREAM
Baskin Robbins has a birthday club. I got a free scoop of ice cream for my birthday. And they also send occasional emails with coupons. I also got a $3 coupon off an ice cream cake.

Dairy Queen has a sign-up that asks for your birthday. I just signed up, so I'm not sure if I would've got something for free for my birthday, but for signing up you can buy one blizzard and get one free.

MEALS
Black Angus has a "Prime Club." I signed up the other day and got an email with a coupon and another that said, "Sorry we missed your birthday. Here's a steak on us." Sweet.

Red Robin emails a coupon for a free burger on your birthday, and they also email you coupons throughout the year. Joe and I got a free appetizer for no apparent reason not too long ago.

Denny's has a breakfast club I just signed up for. They say they email you offers, and for joining, I received a 20% off email.

13 Coins in Seattle has a dining club you can join for a fee. But Joe and I ate there in December and filled out a comment card (we REALLY liked the food), and since then, I received a letter thanking me for my comment, one for a free dessert for our anniversary, and one for a free dessert for my birthday. We haven't gone back yet, but we do plan to.

Shari's also has an e-club. I'm not sure yet what this entails, but it does ask for your birth month and says you'll receive birthday mailings.

And while looking for other fun birthday stuff, I ran across this list compiled by someone else: Birthday Deals and Discounts.

I also remember being told when I was in Arizona that a local theater let you see a movie for free for your birthday. I don't know if that's available here or where you live, but that might be something worth looking into.

A lot (if not all) of these require some sort of registration first, and if you are worried about spam email, set up a free email account through Hotmail or Yahoo or some other free hosting site and use that email for your registration. Also look carefully at what boxes are selected before sending your registration to avoid 3rd party emails. Then be sure to check your email for your email deals!

I'm so emo right now

Joe and I were watching something the other night where a girl made the comment that she was so emo at that moment, and I told Joe that I say that about myself sometimes.

Yesterday was one of those days. I am so grateful for my mother and the example she has played in my life. Being over a day's drive away from her, I don't get to see her very much at all. And that saddens me. There was a period of time after college where I would go to my parents' house every Sunday after church and enjoy a wonderful dinner. This was great for me because I would otherwise be left to my own devices, and that could've gotten very ugly very quickly.

But then life happened and those weekly dinners stopped happening. They still happened on occasion, and birthdays or other celebrations were often the cause of the get-togethers with whatever family could attend.

Now I don't have the luxury of just driving to my parents' when I miss them. And I don't get to see any of my siblings more than maybe once or twice a year (some less than that). That's really hard on me. Really hard.

So yesterday, I was thinking about my mom and my grandma and all my siblings who are mothers and all my friends who are mothers. And I was so emo. I felt a heart-breaking longing in my heart to be able to be called a mother. But I have to remember that it's not my time table I'm working under, but God's. Often, when I want something, I want it NOW, and this has been something I've been thinking about and wanting for quite some time.

I am so grateful I have such wonderful examples of mothers all around me, because it helps me not miss my mother quite as much when I can see the same kind of love from others toward their children.

I have $50

We had a credit card through Bank of America that we used to purchase some non-essentials. And it had reward points, so we started using it to purchase some essentials and then paying it off so we could rack up the points.

I didn't know what the points were for and Joe said it was stupid stuff, but after getting a letter from B of A that they were going to raise our APR, we decided to stop using the card and close the account so we could keep our old APR. And I wanted to use the points before they said we wouldn't be able to anymore.

So we found the website and decided that a gift card was the best route to go. Yeah, we could've had them send us cash, but we got more credit versus cash, so why not? We picked out a gift card to Amazon.com. I LOVE Amazon.com. Joe's a fan too. We each get $50 to spend, and I'm just trying to figure out what I should buy with mine.

Suggestions?

Oh my goodness!

So funny! Enjoy!

I want to be a magical piano player someday

Joe is finally out of the army! Hooray! He had his last training drill in April, turned in all his equipment (except the uniforms and other items he gets to keep), and got his last reservist paycheck. They are supposed to invite him back to an award ceremony later where he will get a plaque and coin and "some other stuff." He is happy to be done, and I am happy that I don't have to spend one weekend a month without him. :)

We sat down today and looked at our budget. Since I have lost my job, I have been able to temporarily relieve us of some ongoing bills until I am able to find employment and get paid again. We consider ourselves very lucky that we are able to get by without me having this job. It has been tough almost all year because of my being sick, but not having any extra money from my job (and now not having any extra from the army) coming in, we are going to have to make only a few slight modifications in our expenses while I'm unemployed.

And this gives me hope that someday I might be able to be a stay at home mom. Of course, with kids come added expenses, but hopefully Joe will continue to find opportunities to advance in his field, and maybe I'll be able to start making some money myself teaching piano lessons or something like that.

This past week, Ashley (one of our cats) had to be taken to the vet because of "the pirate eye" (Joe's words). By the time I took her to the vet, her eye was mostly better, with only some slight swelling and discharge. The vet thought she might've run into something (I do that all the time, just not usually with my eye!) or been scratched when wrestling with Sandy. She is back to looking healthy again (about $40 later) and back to wrestling and getting into mischief.

We had stake conference this weekend. Joe and I were amused by one of the speakers last night, who didn't enunciate her words carefully and ended up pronouncing words in ways that we found rather humorous. For example, instead of saying effort, she said what sounded more like "effret" and "mugician" instead of either magician or musician (I'm still not sure which one she meant). Then she made up words like "Ecclesiastics" as a book from the Bible and "favoritist" and "story tells". It's a good thing we were sitting toward the back, because I couldn't stop laughing at a couple points, and I would've been distracting to many more people than I was if more people were behind us.

I probably shouldn't be writing this...

But I am feeling heartbroken. Every time I play with kids or hear about someone having a baby or being pregnant, I am filled with the heartfelt desire to join the ranks of motherhood. And even though I'm TTC right now, there is an emotional toll on my body and spirit as I have negative pregnancy test after negative pregnancy test. I worry I won't ever be able to experience being pregnant. Even if that is the case, I WILL be a mother. No matter how long or what it takes, I know I will have an addition (or more) to my family. Still, it is hard. Almost every day, I feel left out. I am praying for strength and guidance.

And my heart breaks when I hear stories or witness a child being mistreated. Yesterday, what I witnessed in line for 31 cent ice cream at Baskin Robbins wasn't criminal but still heart-wrenching. Children are precious! For those of you who are fortunate enough to be parents, cherish your children!

Gots to get paid!

I just filed for unemployment. I feel all dirty now.

I don't know why... I guess I just feel like it means I've failed at life or something. I'm still looking for a job. I'm still applying for jobs. But I haven't heard anything back about any of them. So I keep looking, and at the same time, I try not to worry.

My life is fairly boring

I just realized I haven't written for a week. I just don't have much of anything interesting to write about.

I have applied for several different jobs. No responses whatsoever. The only people who have contacted me about jobs are those offering sales/commission jobs. No thank you!

But I keep looking and waiting. Meanwhile, I'm enjoying spending time with friends and Joe and watching TV and reading. I am keeping busy, more or less.

And I am getting random occasional surges of motivation to lose weight, eat healthy, or do some intense cleaning. When I feel that way, I run with it. Friday, I walked about 7.5 miles. Yesterday, Joe and I did a lot of yard work together. And I also shredded several years worth of pay stubs and other mail that Joe had accumulated. I found some interesting pieces of mail, including a trust check for over $300 from 2003. It, like much of his mail, had never been opened. I also found the graduation announcement for my masters program unopened.

I knew he was a bit of a pack rat when I married him, but I didn't know the full extent of it. Tsk, tsk.

Joe got arrested!!!

Luckily, Joe is making enough money that we aren't freaking out too much with me having lost my job. After all, this whole year, I haven't worked a whole lot anyway. But we're still able to pay the bills. Things are just tighter than usual. However, last night we were able to go out to dinner. And it was for a good cause.

When Joe got home from his army training, we headed to Red Robin to eat. There were several police cars outside, one with flashing lights. As we walked toward the restaurant, we were greeted by a police officer who handed us an envelope we could use to make a donation to Special Olympics. The cops also had a booth set up outside the restaurant where they were selling shirts and other various items to raise money for the Special Olympics.

Right after getting inside, Joe was greeted by one of his friends who happens to be a police officer for the city. They served in Iraq together, and Joe has seen his friend around town several times while his friend was on duty. In fact, a while back, Joe even did a ride-along with his friend, which fell on quite the adventurous shift.

When Joe ran into his friend, his friend and a couple other officers were escorting out two smiling kids by handcuff, announcing they had captured the bad guys. Joe's friend said hello and said, "Oh, we're coming for this one later!"

So as we sat down to eat, another couple at a table near us was cuffed and paraded around the restaurant and out to the cop car. Then Joe was picked up for "impersonating a security guard." His picture was taken by the car with his friend (I'd post it but it was not high quality film used and the picture didn't turn out very well). Then he was released and came back to the table to eat.

It was quite an interesting date, and we were happy to spend a little money for such a good cause.

Casper, the extra-friendly ghost!

I just wrote and then deleted two blog entries on two different subjects instead of posting them. Why? Because they were terribly boring Debra-did-this, Debra-did-that. So you don't have to wonder why you wasted your time reading as much of the blog as you did before deleting it, I started over. You're welcome.

Instead, I decided to present the Ghost Sex Story (which I alluded to in a previous post). But a little background first.

I used to work at a cubicle next to someone from a small town in New Mexico. His mother still lived in that small town, and for kicks, she would send him links to their newspaper's online crime blotter. Sometimes reading those stories was downright funny and entertaining. I felt bad that some of the things going on were things the police actually had to deal with as part of their job duties.

And now where I live, I feel like I must live in a place that has some small-town feel. I get a paper delivered to our house 2 times a week. Reading the police crime blotter can be quite entertaining. Joe and I (or at least our house) were referred to in the paper twice, once in the crime blotter and once as a separate article (both dealing with theft/attempted theft).

But as I perused the paper at the end of the year, an article caught my eye. It was about the top stories of Federal Way in 2008. And one of the section headings caught my eye. So here it is, unedited, from the Federal Way Mirror, without further ado:

Ghost Sex (April 19)
The following is a sample from the Federal Way police public information log:
At 4:02 p.m. April 10, two women went into the Federal Way police station claiming that over the past two years, a paranormal person has been placing sensors on their bodies and visiting them in their house at 28600 block of 25th Place South.
They said that the ghost has been having sexual intercourse with them. One woman said that these incidents started in Kent and continued when she moved here. The other woman said that this just started now.

Reading stories like that make me miss my job working with adults with serious mental illnesses. I heard some great stories then, but usually there wasn't a second person to give merit to the tale.

I wonder if the ghost prefers a certain sexual position. I wonder if the ghost engages in foreplay. I wonder if the ghost makes any faces or noises. And I wonder if the ghost does house calls.

Taco, burrito, what's coming out of that speedo?

I am a picky eater. I used to be a lot pickier. I didn't like mushrooms or strawberries because of their texture. I like both quite a bit now (because of their taste). I threw up once at an amusement park after my parents forced me to eat a lunchmeat sandwich that had mustard on the bread (at least I warned them that I would puke if they made me eat it).

My pickiness often didn't jive with my mother's cooking and my father's strictness. I remember being stuck at the dinner table one time when I was quite young, sitting with gristle in my mouth because chewing it wasn't doing the job, and I wasn't allowed to get down until it was gone. Someone asked me what I was doing, and I told them I was waiting for it to dissolve.

Other times, it wasn't that I couldn't chew or stomach what I was being forced to eat, but it was about the quantity. My eyes were often bigger than my stomach. I would come home from school to soggy cereal my mother had so kindly saved for me to finish because I couldn't in the morning.

Oh, we had tricks to get away from being stuck at the table. There was the food-in-the-napkin trick, which we sometimes could get away with but didn't count on. Or we would save some of our milk and spit our broccoli into the milk, hoping it wouldn't be noticed. I was apparently the most creative in my family. I hid my food in different locations. A portion of a hamburger was found behind our organ. I think I pulled that one off more than once, though. Food was flushed down toilets (yes, the I-have-to-go-to-the-bathroom excuse worked for me). And one time, I guess I was worried about the food clogging the toilet, so I smashed the remnants of my taco underneath the bathroom rug.

I was a little hellion at times. I think when I have kids, I'll just let them lave their food behind. And maybe if we have lots of leftovers, I can make some interesting shakes or soup or even pea pancakes like I once had to eat for breakfast. That's more fun than trying to win at hide-and-seek with food.

Free at last, free at last...

I got fired yesterday. It's not like I didn't see it coming. But I just couldn't bring myself to go back to work. The thought of potentially having to clench my butt cheeks closed and hold that pose until finishing a conversation, just to high-tail it to the bathroom for a drive-by spraying held little appeal to me when I woke up yesterday. So call me crazy, but I called in sick.

So around 2 pm, my supervisor called me and announced that so-and-so from HR was on the line with him. That's when any doubt I might've had about the nature of the call was gone. He said that because I didn't return to work yesterday per our previously agreed upon terms (ha! but more on that later), they were going to have to let me go. It was a very short call.

And I felt relieved. I'll explain that more in a little bit, but first some background.

I've been sick with digestive problems (after having 2 colds in a row) for weeks. They're slowly improving. Very slowly. I started taking acidophilus capsules and I think they might be helping, but I don't know if it's that or just my body fighting whatever ails it. I've been in contact with my supervisor to let him know what's wrong. I didn't feel bad about missing work when he reassured me that there are some things that you just can't work while suffering from in my job title. I mean, my job was to speak to person after person after person on the phone, 30 minutes give or take at a time, for 8 hours. Maybe I'd get little breaks in between, but with the new cigarette tax laws going into effect April 1st, the company has been busier than ever.

I haven't been vomiting for a while, and the nausea I had seems to have gone away as well. No, I'm not pregnant. I just went to the doctor's office yesterday for a final test while I had insurance to pay for it, and they confirmed that. Anyway, I received a call on Tuesday from my supervisor. He said I had two options: resign or come back on April 2nd. Well, neither of those options really sat well with me. I told him I spent every day hoping I would get through the day well enough to return to work the following day, but I wasn't lucky enough to feel secure that I could get through the work day without incident. I told him I wanted to return the next day (April 1st) but didn't know if I would be able to. Well, the call ended up with him saying he'd see me on the 2nd, and me wondering if he would.

Obviously, he didn't.

But yesterday, as I was perusing through my Facebook profile, I realized just how many times I'd been sick in the past several months. I realized how stressed I had really become because of my job. And I realized just how much I'd hated it. It hadn't been happening since January, like I'd previously thought. I had been having issues way before then.

It's not like the job is especially difficult. However, you do have to find out what it is that a supervisor wants you to say and do in each call, which can often be quite subjective, even though they say it's not. And then you have to form your calls around what you think someone wants you to say as the call continues versus what you really want to say or think might really help someone quit smoking. For me, being a trained therapist who knows there are many more counseling techniques than just motivational interviewing and cognitive behavioral therapy techniques, to say I could only draw from these kinds of things was frustrating to say the least.

I was out of my element in that job. I was overqualified. I was unmotivated and unchallenged (honestly), which created a lot of frustration. I found myself time and time again suffering from deja vu. And I often had to stop myself and think: 'Did I already go over this with this person, or was that the last person I was talking to?' That's how repetitive my day was.

So I'm glad to be gone. I went into my home office and pulled out all things associated with my job. I put several inches worth of paper into our recycling bin yesterday, and I shredded several more pieces of paper with personal information on it from the job. I haven't thrown away everything just yet, either. For the time being, I kept my medical insurance information and HR information. I'm not sure why, but I think I might look over it, and maybe I'll know why I saved it or I can get rid of it then.

The funny thing about all this is how free and calm and unstressed I felt after getting fired yesterday. My mind cleared up and I knew what to do next, things I hadn't thought about before. I went to my doctor's office to order refills on my prescriptions while I still had insurance. I cancelled the phone line I'd had to dedicate to work. I sent out some emails and made some calls. And today, I feel great. No upset stomach. No acid reflux. No stomach cramps. No diarrhea. I am free.